Even now, our animalistic enemies take the war to that comic relief country, New Zealand. You monsters! Thank god it’s dead already.
Hey, it’s not like I’m offending the deceased animal. With a name of “colossal squid”, you don’t exactly expect it to be cute and tiny.
Just when you thought it was safe … they begin adapting to us!
Key quote: “It was absolutely bizarre. I was thinking ‘he’s got too many legs’ and I kept counting ‘one, two, three, four,'” Janaway said.“
Counting is hard.
For the dog owners out there: when you take your pet to the groomer and ask for a little off the top, be sure to specify exactly how much you want off.
In Seattle, a dog groomer accidentally cut the ear off a shih tzu, but who hasn’t? The groomer then super glued the ear back on to the dog, hoping the owner would never notice. When the owner gave little Jasmine a bath that evening, she was horrified when she found the ear floating in the tub.
I smell lawsuit against super glue for false advertising.
At least, in the end, it’s one last squirrel that we have to worry about. Remember everyone, it’s not the flying squirrels that we should be worried about, but the underwater ones.
The War on Animals has taken what is called by many the most confusing turn of all. The U.S. Navy is about to deploy trained dolphins and sea lions to guard the nation’s shores from terrorists.
This means the military is actually enlisting the help of a sworn enemy in the war on terrorism. Can we really trust these dolphins and sea lions? Are they really the Benedict Arnolds of their respective species or will they turn against us the first chance they get?
Millions of honey bees are “mysteriously” dying in beekeepers’ hives across the country. Scientists don’t know what’s causing it. Those of us paying attention to the War on Animals know exactly what is happening.
It’s simply man-made regime change of one of the enemy’s most militaristic factions. This blog says down with the bee monarchy. The Queen is dead!
The enemy seems to be pretty active today. In yet another story about the War on Animals, a 66-year old grandfather fought and killed a 16-foot anaconda attacking his grandson. He beat it with rocks and stabbed it with a knife.
If that’s not an example of how resilient our enemy is, this blog doesn’t know what would be.
Forget about the death of Anna Nicole Smith, how about the ailing of an elephant at the National Zoo?
Ambika the Asian elephant has a blood clot in her, um, well, her na-na. Unfortunately, the animal is getting treatment at the DC zoo and is expected to make a full recovery. Sorry, folks.
Though it’s very cold outside and many of are adversaries are dormant this time of year, there are some brave animals who continue to attack. Like this harrowing tale of a woman being bitten by a squirrel, brought to you by Meredith Knight.
(May require registration)
Convicted of war crimes, Barbaro has gone the way of Saddam Hussein. As our readers may recall, the horse was captured after an attempt to unseat royalty in what is known as the Triple Crown. He has long been known as one of the leading lieutenants of the enemy forces in the War on Animals.
Feel free to dance in the streets, brothers!