After last week’s “accidental” death of Ralph the Whale Shark at the Georgia Aquarium, not everyone is convinced there was not foul play involved. Apparently they are doing tissue tests on samples taken from Ralph to determine the cause of death.
We need to eliminate these species traitors. The Georgia Aquarium is an underwater death camp and that’s the way it should stay. Bury Ralph at sea in a mass grave and let’s move on.
Think your life sucks? At least you’re not too fat to have sex like Chuang Chuang. Pandas are without a doubt one of the most neutral in the War on Animals. They rarely breed in captivity and their young die easily.
But if they can be too fat to mate, their lifestyles are far to decadent. This blog is calling for the War on Animals to extend to pandas–regardless of how cute they might be. Let’s teach them some humility.
Just when you think that tensions between the U.S. and Asian countries is bad, one of the countries pulls off a move that can help everyone out in the long run.
… Wait a minute ….
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd then someone in Europe tries to kill us all.
In the War on Animals, there are no rules. There are no front lines, either. Thankfully, there are death camps.
One such place is the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. Last week, they euthanized a beluga whale. Today, a whale shark at the aquarium “got sick and died (wink, wink).” Don’t be afraid of admitting the truth, Georgia Aquarium. The Geneva Convention only applies to humans.
SG salutes the aquarium for taking down the whale population one disease-related death at a time.
You’ve heard of Snakes on a Plane, you may have even heard of Snakes on a Train, but one man from Vermont found something much more terrifying on his plane trip. He found himself in: Scorpions on a Plane! I smell a sequel.
This is just another example of how animals are able to get past airport security and attack us where we are at our most vulnerable. We need more stringent searches to prevent this from happening again.
The war on animals continues. This time, the animals have begun using siege tactics by sending their dead after us. Oh the
Perhaps Austins needs a new grave digger?
A species of river dolphin in China is basically extinct. For those of you keeping score in the war on animals at home, that’s one down, several billion left to go.
What, too soon?
…they pull in some new recruits.
The seas are not safe anymore! Nowhere is safe! Frankly, this blogger says that we should all give in to our new animal overlords, and as such, I humbly offer my services to our new lords and kings to find those dastardly rebel humans.
As the country still mourns the loss of George Clooney’s pig, swine appear to again be in the news. A man in Mississippi was arrested for throwing a pig over a hotel desk. What’s more is that he seems to be a serial pig-thrower.
The police may have called him prankster, but this blog calls him a hero in the War on Animals.