In the War on Animals, there are no rules. There are no front lines, either. Thankfully, there are death camps.
One such place is the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. Last week, they euthanized a beluga whale. Today, a whale shark at the aquarium “got sick and died (wink, wink).” Don’t be afraid of admitting the truth, Georgia Aquarium. The Geneva Convention only applies to humans.
SG salutes the aquarium for taking down the whale population one disease-related death at a time.
You’ve heard of Snakes on a Plane, you may have even heard of Snakes on a Train, but one man from Vermont found something much more terrifying on his plane trip. He found himself in: Scorpions on a Plane! I smell a sequel.
This is just another example of how animals are able to get past airport security and attack us where we are at our most vulnerable. We need more stringent searches to prevent this from happening again.
The war on animals continues. This time, the animals have begun using siege tactics by sending their dead after us. Oh the
Perhaps Austins needs a new grave digger?
A species of river dolphin in China is basically extinct. For those of you keeping score in the war on animals at home, that’s one down, several billion left to go.
What, too soon?
…they pull in some new recruits.
The seas are not safe anymore! Nowhere is safe! Frankly, this blogger says that we should all give in to our new animal overlords, and as such, I humbly offer my services to our new lords and kings to find those dastardly rebel humans.
As the country still mourns the loss of George Clooney’s pig, swine appear to again be in the news. A man in Mississippi was arrested for throwing a pig over a hotel desk. What’s more is that he seems to be a serial pig-thrower.
The police may have called him prankster, but this blog calls him a hero in the War on Animals.
In a bizarre twist, the battlefronts of the War on Animals and the War on Christmas collided. A woman in California received a shock when she was bitten by a bat hiding in her Christmas tree.
Not only are these flying rodents using Christmas trees like Trojan horses, waiting to strike when we least expect it, but they clear do not like Jesus’ birthday.
Sure, the Dutch may look like they don’t believe in genetic treason, but don’t listen to them. Unless their newest research creates some super-duper sound gun that can allow us to wipe out the bird race, our long-standing animal rivals, we’ve just given up the oldest part of human culture-hip hop. Word.
The killer whale, whose name should have been a clear warning for everyone, has struck in California, where apparently all kinds of marine life are attacking.
Kasatka, a killer whale at Sea World in San Diego (coincidentally, Spanish for a whale’s vagina) pulled its trainer underwater twice during a performance yesterday.
Now that’s what I call entertainment, if not another battle in the War on Animals.