A century ago, white people feared jazz music because it was seen as unseemly. Today, the military has found a use for it: endangering all of mankind.
The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency is working on robots and computers that can play jazz. They’re not only trying to put the ever-diminishing population of jazz musicians out of work, they’re trying to teach these machines how to improvise. And if computerized, face-melting solos weren’t enough, they want these things to improvise with humans. The goal is to get machines and humans to interact in a more fluid way.
Your tax dollars are funding a line of robots smoking marijuana and wearing sunglasses in darkened clubs. God help us all.
If the War on Animals doesn’t wipe out humanity by itself, then — like the dual volcano and meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs — the War on Robots will finish the leftovers. And we know this because researchers just proved that robots are buttf*cking liars and are well on the path to betraying us.
Admit it, you’ve thought about banging C-3PO. And that’s exactly what scientists are worried about.
While the scientific community is afraid that machines will one day rise up and enslave us, it’s also worried that we’re going to use them for sex until then. (That would kind of justify their uprising, now that we think about it.) Researchers Kathleen Richardson and Erik Billing have launched the Campaign Against Sex Robots, which isn’t even a fun acronym. They want to spread the word that creating pleasurebots may not be the best thing for humanity.
“The danger of sex robots … [is] a reality — a reality where the human (male) user is expected to turn on his woman robot companion for his own, lone, pleasure. I think most of us would agree that this is very far from a healthy, mutual, sexual relationship,” said Billing.
Woah, “relationship?” This was supposed to be purely about sex. No one likes a clingy robot.
We’ve created robots that can make pancakes. That sounds like something good, right? It’s actually a very bad thing.
The pancakes themselves are a good thing. Since the 1950s, mankind has fantasized about creating robots that can cook and make drinks for us. However, researchers in Germany have programmed a robot how to read instructions from Wikihow. It was using the site’s page explaining how to make pancakes that the robot learned how to do it.
Yes, the robot learned something. Worst of all, the robot can read a site that has explainers about how to do just about anything. The robots will undoubtedly use their new ability to learn how to do everything. They are already learning everything about us, and once they know enough, they will try to wipe us all out.
Robots are becoming smarter all the time. They can learn, they can communicate, and they can even dream. Now, they can vomit.
For centuries, the difference between living things and non-living things was the ability to vomit, we think. Now, it appears we’ve created yet another robot in our own image, and it acts like it’s been out all night drinking. Researchers in North Carolina have made a robot whose sole purpose is to throw up green Jell-O to illustrate that you can spread viruses by vomiting, too.
American society has never been more understanding and accepting of differences than it is right now. Think of all the social acceptance strides we’ve made this decade already. We’re more tolerant of humans, but it’s another story for robots.
Robots will one day rise up and enslave us. Everyone here in the U.S. knows it, thanks to movies and TV shows. That’s why when Canadian scientists wanted to see if people would give a robot a ride from Boston to San Francisco, someone put it out of commission. hitchBOT was found in Philadelphia lying on the side of the road with its head and arms ripped off. The robot, which successfully made it across Canada, Germany and the Netherlands, only lasted two weeks in the U.S.
Let that be a lesson to all other robots out there, especially ones that want a free ride.
Imagine you’re a robot. Your entire existence is to suit the needs of your creators. When the command is given, you do. You may get to do fun things, like dance, or something less fun. One robot definitely has it the worst.
The more we rely on technology, the more beholden we become to it. The robots are coming for us, so it’s no shock that a driverless car is attacking humans.
In the Dominican Republic, a video has surfaced of a group of people watching a self-parking Volvo car do its thing, only to be run down by the intelligent machine. Volvo claims that such a disaster wouldn’t have happened if the owner had purchased “pedestrian detection” for the vehicle.
What’s painfully obvious is that the car did detect the pedestrians, which is why it targeted them for termination.
This is the second time Dr. Hawking has spoken about AI recently, the first being a full warning that AI could spell the end of the human race. Although he’s softened his stance this time, this topic is of course very important to Dr. Hawking as we only know what he’s saying through a comput … wait. Did Dr. Hawking even say that?