Drones are the new internet

Take this one with a healthy dose of skepticism: a French postal service plans to deliver newspapers by drone.

This was reported on several different news sites, and is even on the company’s blog in an undated post. But given what yesterday was, we are far from sure about this one. If it’s real, it’s a wonder the U.S. Postal Service hasn’t announced something similar. The only reason this seems remotely possible is that the French don’t have good ideas, and they’re one of the few countries in the world lazier than us.

Then, of course, there’s utter impracticality of the whole plan. So let’s just say several U.S. news media outlets just got pranked.

What if the enemy of my enemy is another one of my enemies?

We’ve got good news and we’ve got bad news. Because we’re sadistic and enjoy leaving you in pain, we’ll start with the good news to throw you off guard.

The good news: The U.S. Navy is slowly doing away with its program training dolphins and sea lions in “keeping ports safe” for American ships at home and abroad. We’ve covered this before. (Keep in mind, there are military-trained dolphins that have gone rogue.) So, hooray for no more commando dolphins!

The bad news: Aside from the fact that our country is now going to be besieged with unknown numbers of veteran sea creatures begging for change (you know the VA’s not going to help them), it turns out their replacements will be robots. (Ask the American factory worker how it feels, Flipper!) Effectively, the Navy is replacing one enemy of mankind with another.

Now we can know when the robots turn on us

It just may turn out that the English will be all that remains of humanity.

Aside from being on an island blessed with natural resources and some pretty solid, if old, fortifications, England could be the best off should the robots rise up against us. Why? Because researchers at Cambridge are the only ones in the serious science community bold enough to study the risk of biotechnology, artificial life, nanotechnology and, of course, climate change from overthrowing humanity.

It’s about time the scientific community looks into what the science fiction community has been warning about for well over a century.

Australian education victim of tomfoolery, still gives the right information

This year, Year 12 students taking the Australian VCE history exam were told that robots were an integral part of the Russian Revolution. The Russian Revolution of 1917.

It would appear that this incorrect, as the source of this integral information appears to have come not from the annals of history, but a Google Image Search.

Or is it? Oh sure, we say that it’s highly farfetched that powerful robots were around in the early part of the 20th century and able to turn the tide of the October Revolution, but think about it. If we’ve learned anything from the documentary series about Skynet, it’s that robots easily have the ability to be sent back in time. Not only that, but we also know, once again thanks to the aforementioned documentary series, that robots can be reprogrammed for our personal use, but can be destroyed. With those pieces of information, is it really outlandish to think that the painting is not a Photoshop, but an accurate retelling of history and war? I think not.

Cyberdyne and HAL: two great tastes in robotics to destroy humanity

We’ve talked about Cyberdyne, the Japanese company of the future present, before here on SG. It’s been quite some time since their name was uttered on our website, but it seems they’re at it again.

What was once used exclusively for old people is now being sent in the direction of disaster response: specifically for first responders of nuclear accidents.

Somehow, using HAL suits manufactured by Cyberdyne for nuclear matters makes the science nerd in cringe and fear for the future.

This is why we will never win the War On Robots

Scientists at the University of Tokyo’s Ishikawa Oku Laboratory have invented a robot that never loses at Rock, Paper, Scissors. (Or “Roshambo,” if you were raised by wolves.) The Janken robot cannot be bargained or negotiated with or fooled by doing that little trick where you start to make scissors and then flatten your palm out, middle and index fingers last.

You can’t cheat this machine with your human brain, because its computer brain is doing the exact same thing, just faster. It watches your hand and then reacts a millisecond later, appearing to make its selection simulataneously with you. In other words, you were right: your older brother is a cyborg.

The war against the machines may not have been over before it started. Just so immediately after it that it seems like it.

More news on our robot allies

In the War on Animals, we may have to rely on non-human sources to help us win. We mean robots, at which, technically, we are also at war. A rising trend is to build robots that mimic the beasts themselves, then we gain their trust, learn their secrets, and destroy them from the inside.

We’ve tested it successfully on squirrels, now science has taken us underwater. Researchers from the  Polytechnic Institute of New York University and Instituto Superiore di Sanitá in Italy have teams up to create a huge-ass fish robot. In seems clear that the scientists intended it to mock the fish’s intelligence by proving that they are so dumb they will accept a terribly painted robofish several times their size as one of their own.

Before long, the fish were following it around, probably accepting it as their new leader. Folks, we know how to beat them, let’s get to work.

Air Force succumbs to Skynet persuasion, dooms us all

Most people think that the military would be our last line of defense. Be careful with that line of thinking-it could end us.

The United States Air Force has sent the X-37B, a secret unmanned space plane into the great beyond. Its mission? That’s classified (we can only hope that it was zapping ET), but apparently it was a raging success. What won’t be a success is when the space plane kills us all.

Oh sure, Chris is just ranting and raving his wild theories again, right? Well then, tell me this college boy: what’s to stop the space plane when it does gain a murderous and brutal sentience? What’s that, no answer? I’ll tell you what’s to stop it: us.

Someone, get me my off-button gloves.

Infiltrating our animal enemy

In the future, machines will become self-aware and rise up against us. They will then create human-like robots to infiltrate our holdouts and kill us. It hasn’t happened yet, so why not borrow the strategy from The Terminator for the War on Animals?

Researchers at University of California, Davis have built a robotic squirrel whose tail can heat up when it sees a snake, which is apparently real squirrels do. They have tested it out, and it seems that rattlesnakes are completely fooled by the robosquirrel. It’s only a matter of time before we arm that thing and turn it loose.

We think not, robot

The robot uprising will still probably come someday, but it won’t come from Canada.

The Canucks have lost interest in the sinful ways of robotic science, and thus, have canceled their national robot competition. We’re sure the games included slap shots, figure skating, Bryan Adams karaoke and battles of the death. It’s a shame young Canadians won’t have the chance to see all the evil that these things can do when under our control, then extrapolate what happens when they become self-aware.