Category: War on Robots

| Filed under Drunk of the Day, War on Robots

Drunk man fights back against robot uprising

In the upcoming war against robots, it’s best to have a few shots of courage in you before going into battle, as one brave California man demonstrated when he decked a security robot. Let’s back up a bit.

Mountain View, California is smack dab in the middle of Silicon Valley, so it shouldn’t be surprising that there are security robots patrolling the streets at night. These aren’t the armed enforcer robots that will one day round us up into prison camps for our own safety. Rather, they’re 300-pound, oval-shaped things that basically patrol around and record movements.

Police say one such robot was walking the beat when a drunken 41-year-old man knocked it over. Rather than spur an anti-robot riot like it should have, the act ended up in prowling and public intoxication charges for the man. The robot was largely unharmed, and is back out there making sure humans stay in line. Always watching, always watching.

| Filed under War on Robots

Bank teller walks away from would-be robber

It seems like every week we hear about more humans losing their jobs because of automation (read: robots). How can a human that expects pay possibly compete with machine slave labor? The answer is in banking.

Thanks to ATMs, the only reason people actually walk into a bank anymore is to rob it, but a bank teller in Detroit was having none of it. According to reports, a man walked into a bank in suburban Detroit and handed the teller a note saying that he was armed. The bank teller simply walked away, forcing the would-be robber to leave empty-handed.

The inefficiency of the American worker thwarted a bank robbery. Meanwhile, you can empty an ATM with nothing but a drill and a gadget you can make for $15. We win this round.

| Filed under War on Robots

Drones will hunt dog poop one day

The future if absolutely terrifying, thanks to advances in technology. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a few benefits along the way to oblivion. For example, dog poop will be a thing of the past, and not because we will eliminate dogs.

A company in the Netherlands is working on a system using drones to locate and remove dog crap before you even have a chance to step in it. Flying drones will be sent out to locate and record the coordinates of fresh crap, and then a land-based robot will come along and scoop the poop.

Of course, since drones are involved, this will probably lead to the deaths of thousands of innocent bystanders. But hey, progress.

| Filed under Sex Sells, War on Robots

Robots need love, too

Robots are taking our jobs, and will eventually rise up and enslave us one day. But can they be fun in the meantime? We create robots to disarm bombs or fly and drop bombs. We build some robots to look like us, so we don’t feel lonely. And because we’re humans and it’s what we do, we’re working to build sexy robots. But what if they’re not in the mood?

A Spanish engineer has created a robot that you can have sex with, but you have to get it in the mood. “Samantha” looks like a mannequin, but apparently is anatomically correct, and needs some romance and even hugging and kissing in order to get turned on. Also, she likes to plan Ed Sheeran songs on Pandora.

If this hasn’t made you question why Samantha even exists, she can be yours for just over $5,000, which can probably buy you better companionship with real people.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, War on Robots

Stephen Hawking wants a world government to fight robots

Famed physicist Stephen Hawking has warned us repeatedly that mankind will probably make robots smart enough that they will overthrow us. But it always comes off as a threat. Now we know why he’s been pushing this agenda.

According to Hawking, unless there is a more concerted, worldwide effort to avoid the rise of the machines, we are likely to fail. And that’s why we need a world government, he said, noting that such a thing could lead to tyranny. So it’s a damned-if you-do-damned-if-you-don’t scenario.

The good news is that there is no secret world government already in existence, otherwise Hawking would definitely be part of it.

| Filed under War on Robots

Computer wins the Tapout off pro poker players’ backs

The human players lost $1.7 million dollars in chips to the computer. But we don’t know if they kept their $200 hoodies, sunglasses with holographic snake-eye lenses or dignity.

Humanity was counting on two factors to help us win the War on Robots — 1) psychic computer-programming powers and 2) the ability to lie about the giant electromagnet behind our back. And, thanks to artificial intelligence programmers who really wanted to a machine to win at poker, we just lost the edge on number two.

Libratus, an AI built by Carnegie Mellon University, just beat four of our species’ greatest poker players by finally perfecting the ability to out-bluff human opponents. Computers can now strategically lie about the cards they’re virtually holding with just enough truth to raise uncertainty.

But …! We still have one more advantage over Libratus and its heirs: its new poker skillset is essentially meaningless in the modern world. C’mon, Libratus — Hold’em? What is this, 2006? In technology years, that’s like the Hamster Dance winning the 2008 election.

| Filed under War on Robots

U.N. joins the War on Robots

Every now and then the United Nations does something that gets politicians suggesting that we should leave or defund the international organization designed to avoid world wars. But we now have a solid reason to support the U.N. forever and ever.

The international organization has said it will examine the dangers of developing weaponized artificial intelligence, better known as killer robots. This is a step toward the all-out banning of robots that don’t need you controlling them to kill people. And that would greatly increase our odds of avoiding the machine uprising we all know is coming.

Considering how U.N. resolutions stamped out human rights violations, we think this could stop the war before Judgment Day happens.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, War on Robots

Machines know how the scene will end

In the future, machines will ruin movie and TV show plots for us. People who gloat about reading the books that modern entertainment is based on are only are the second worse group on the planet, following ISIS. But what if robots were just as bad?

Researchers at MIT have taught neural networks how to guess how a scene is going to play out based on a still image. They produce videos based on what they think is most likely to happen. They are getting pretty good at it, too. Some 20% of the time, they tricked humans into believing that their videos were the real outcome of the scene. This means that at some point they will be able to call the endings of scene before they happen, because they know how humans thing. Also, one day, the machines will make our most formulaic movies (superhero origin stories, romcoms, Fast and Furious sequels, etc.) for us to keep us complacent and easy to herd.

It will also mean that we can blame bad writing on machines, so that’s good.

| Filed under War on Robots

Women attacked by drone at wedding

We rely on machines for many things, and as they get smarter, they come closer to finally rising up and enslaving us. For now, they’re a nuisance. They disrupt otherwise joyful occasions, like weddings.

In New Hampshire, a drone managed to ruin a wedding. According to a lawsuit filed by two women, the groom flew a drone around to take pictures during his wedding reception. The drone ended up hitting the two women while they danced, giving them both concussions.

It’s obvious that this isn’t the groom’s fault. The drone went rogue as soon as it had an opportunity, and dive bombed the two women, probably hoping to take their lives. We’ll be the first to say it: flying robots are a bad idea.

| Filed under War on Robots

Drones harass gridlocked drivers

The robots may not be strong enough to overtake us yet, but they can taunt us. It should come as no surprise that it will be Uber that does us in.

Drivers stuck in traffic in Mexico City probably aren’t in the best of moods in the first place. Now they have to deal with drones buzzing around their cars making fun of them. The drones carry signs shaming drivers for driving, and driving alone, at that.

This seems like a good reason for Mexico City drivers to carry guns with them, in case they aren’t already.