When Judy Cox found indecent t-shirts at a PacSun store, she did what The Guys would do: buy them all. Except, rather than wear as many as possible and then donate the rest to children with parental locks on their Internet access, she spent over $550 to protect her town — including her 18-year-old son — from the sight of scantily dressed womens.
Now unsure what to do, she thinks she might return them on day 59 of the store’s 60 day return policy. Which means they’ll be on display again, along with the 19 shirts the store ordered to restock. That is a victory for … well, nobody. Certainly not for her son, who will now surely be connected to the story as the tender legal adult who was publicly wank-blocked by his mom while shopping with her for clothes.
To be fair, we don’t think too clearly when we see boobs on a t-shirt, either.
Also, while we’re no James Carvilles, I’m pretty sure that mixing your metaphors isn’t for the best:
‘It’s was a play on words,’ Mozena explains.’We are accountable to the government in so many ways, whether it’s the IRS, and now with our healthcare. I’m just asking them to bend over now and show us their finances.’
No one wants to see any council person’s finances. Or their tuchus.
Portland has earned its name as being one of the most annoying cities in the country. It’s hippy-dippy, organic to the max, with socio-liberal-trans-illumi-funda-national feelings being promoted all throughout the year. I don’t even know what I just wrote, but I bet Portland does.
The Super Bowl draws near, and as someone who has had a Super Bowl party at his place every year for the past 5 years, it is an event that requires food. Greasy, horrible for you, delicious food. Subs, meatballs, sausage dip, wings, but most importantly: cheese. Yes, it lubricates that body while stopping it up at the same time.
Now, specifically, it’s Kraft’s Velveeta, the cheese found outside of the refrigerated section of your grocery store. While the concept of block, dry cheese is rather icky, Velveeta proves essential to dips and crock pots. The cheesepocalypse, as the fear-mongering right-wing dairy media has come to call it, is most probably a fad that will easily be corrected in a month.
When that’s corrected, be prepared for the dairy cow drought of 2014.
In what can only be described as a new trend involving food and large bladed objects, we have more on the maddening saga of how not to express your feelings about something. This is POINTY WATCH: 2013.
Bloomington police, who said it was just a publicity stunt that Vorobyov hoped would persuade his estranged girlfriend to get back together
Vorobyov admitted throwing the money, which he had stamped with his YouTube address to direct people to it
He says he decided to throw out his “last $1,000 … to spread some holiday cheer … to make it snow money”
The chances of the three reasons all being one big happy accident are slim and none. So what’s the real reason? Who knows, but his act of charity ended in Vorobyov receiving a disorderly conduct ticket. I think the real question is just how much that’ll cost him.
Caleb Kaltenbach, pastor of Discovery Church, lived up to his church’s name when, lo and behold, he did discover blasphemy in his local Costco. The chain of wholesale retailers had labeled the Bible as fiction on its price tag!
Kaltenbach and his congregation did not remain silent. Using the almighty twitter and then by speaking directly to the priesthood at Fox News, he was able to drum up a frenzy of holy spirit and righteousness, generating threats of a boycott. As members of his church, like Shellie Dungan put it, “I was completely offended. It’s wrong, and I believe that the Bible is real.”
Ultimately, Costco apologized and relabeled the books, resolving the issue. After all, none of Kaltenbach’s parishioners have a problem with the Lord’s word being sold for profit in a large warehouse that closely resembles their own mega-temple. They just want to make sure the moneychangers use the right terminology before selling their holy book by the pallet.
China was shocked — shocked — by a skit on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Monday. Lampooning those hit-or-miss adds where an unsupervised adult asks a roundtable of kids about high-speed Internet or something, Kimmel asked kids how the United States should pay back the $1.3 trillion we owe China.
Surprisingly, not a single child on the panel could offer a balanced, nuanced analysis and solution for our deficit. One suggested, “Kill everyone in China.”
Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Qin Gang is demanding action from ABC, arguing that “spreading racism and hatred runs counter to the media’s social responsibility.”
Look, Gang (if we can call you that). We get that China isn’t used to having kids — what with you giving all of yours away for us to raise them — but you don’t get to tell our Hollywood parents how to raise our future drug addict media icons, OK?
“It really made me upset,” said Jennifer Warren. “It’s a holiday tradition and I hate to see people take that away from children.”
“I was really sad,” she said. “I felt like they are being a big Grinch!”
“It’s about money,” Sullivan said.
“This is wrong. They should have really thought this through. They picked the worst time of the year to do this.”
We should stop interviewing dumb people.
A trademark is a name, phrase or symbol used by a company to distinguish their goods or services from those of other companies in a similar range, preventing “brand confusion” and are only relevant in a commercial context. In 1985, Chris Van Allsburg created the children’s book The Polar Express. In 2004, Warner Bros. Pictures adapted the book for a film. The village of Deerfield, Illinois, has never been the trademark or copyright holder for The Polar Express, despite somehow holding Polar Express train rides since 1998. Despite being in the wrong, citizens of the village and supporters of the ride have managed to view being told to no longer use the name “Polar Express” as a story of them not being in the wrong.
People, don’t be a dummy. Take two seconds to come up with an original name for something. Snowtime Railroad. Bam, I just did your job for you Deerfield.
Police held an unnamed 71-year-old man for questioning at Montreal’s Trudeau International Airport after finding inside of his carry-on luggage “everything” needed to construct a bomb. Well, except explosives, which is what separates pretty much any Home Depot shopping trip and international terrorism.
They also evacuated his neighborhood to search through his home. Because there’s nothing worse than realizing you forgot to pack that one essential thing after you arrive and get detained by security. Turns out there was “nothing obvious” there.