Richard Sherman, cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks, alleged that Washington Redskins wide receiver, Pierre Garcon, pulled his luxurious dreadlocks during their Monday Night Football match. Sherman later pulled a reverse-Mean Girl by saying that “Garcon doesn’t matter in this league.”
Both Sherman and Garcon have reputations for very physical play. They’re also both known for outbursts after plays that leave Fox News viewers clucking in their Lazy-Boys and pining for the years when Johnny Unitas would celebrate a touchdown by clearing his throat, sipping unsweetened coffee and reading the Wall Street Journal until the next drive.
The Guys feel that Sherman and Garcon have more in common with each other than they disagree about. Maybe Garcon shouldn’t have pulled Sherman’s hair, and maybe Sherman should understand that he’s playing a physical sport and it would behoove him to put his tresses into a pony tail or bun before game time.
Basically, they’re both pretty and should work out their differences over a nice cup of tea and scaring the hell out of Erin Andrews.
The Iranian government dropped charrrges against seven young lads and lasses fer making an “obscene video clip that offended the public morals and was released in cyberspace.” If ye be wonderin’ just what the little blighters were up to in said video, they were dancing to Pharrell Williams’ song “Happy.”
Six were originally sentenced to six months in prison and 91 lashes, and the seventh to one year in addition to the lashings. However, all seven publicly apologized and promised t’ never again be lured into making what a Tehran police chief called a “vulgar clip that hurt public chastity.”
So, let this be a lesson to ye young Iranians: the floggings will cease when morale improves — improvement being from “Happy” to gruelingly chaste.
How many of you have seen Falling Down? In one scene in the movie, Michael Douglas’ character is just late enough to a McDonald’s that they’ve switched from their breakfast menu to their lunch menu. Douglas proceeds to shoot into the ceiling with a machine gun he has on hand (you have to see the movie) while venting his frustration. The point is that the guy, despite may having a bad day, is an a-hole for doing such a thing. It’s just a McMuffin.
A Las Vegas woman has jumped into the spotlight because tourists are dumb. The owner of Isis Artistry, a makeup store, shares a name in common with the Islamic group. Because the memory of dumb people has only a four month capacity, people assume that the Isis in Isis Artistry is the same as ISIS.
Lawyers for Texas Gov. Rick Perry began court proceedings with an interesting argument to dismiss charges of abuse of power: he couldn’t have done it because he’s not a king or emperor.
A Texas Governor is not Augustus traversing his realm with a portable mint and an imperial treasure in tow; he no more has custody or possession of the State’s general revenue funds than does any Texan. No governor can say of his or her state what the Sun King said of France: ‘L’etat c’est moi.’
Case closed. If the crown does not fit, then you must acquit.
If the goal of all progress is efficiency, then researchers from Ohio State University have managed to improve narcissism diagnosis rates by 1000 percent without getting up from your matching Barcalounger/fainting couch combo.
To reach a diagnosis of narcissism, apparently all you have to do now is ask a narcissist is if they’re a narcissist. And, if you’re a narcissist, then you’ll answer affirmatively because, well, why wouldn’t you be?
There are only two flaws to this theory. One, if a narcissist associates narcissism with being a self-absorbed douche and, because they’re so nice and awesome, would never call themselves that. And two, if someone is worried about thinking they’re too vain and self-obsessed because they were raised to believe that mirrors are just ocular masturbation, then they might shame/WebMD-diagnose themselves as narcissistic.
But the better question to ask is why even ask in the first place if narcissism is so obvious?
Poloncarz decreed that the sculpture would escape the tyranny that is Easter dinner. Are butter sculptures real things that are done outside of state fairs? And where does someone get enough butter to make a kneeling lamb?