Sony has crazy mind powers in their gaming boxes
Posted on November 21, 2008
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Life is sometimes funnier than you can ever believe.
An Italian boy was rushed to hospital after it was believed he’d been suffering from a “severe brain disorder.” Disoriented and unable to speak, it turns out that young Lorenzo Amato had not, in fact, gone mental or suffered a stroke, but was feeling the effects of “PlayStation addiction.”
Hospital doctors assessed that he was mute and seemingly unable to understand his surroundings due he’d just finished a “marathon PlayStation session” that had caused him to become detached from the real world.
Seriously. Amato has apparently made a complete recovery and has since demanded the console be thrown out, since the very thought of it makes him want to vomit. Which, y’know, is a totally reasonable and healthy response.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorFloridian swamp land realtors are waiting anxiously
Posted on November 20, 2008
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Carnies, your treasure person awaits! Science has officially found the world’s stupidest person-Janella Spears, come on down!
For the Nigerian prince readers, allow me to translate:
Gretings! You ar now reding a stoyr abut a wummun and hir abilty to loose money. Like, a lot fo it. Despite poorly wurded emayls lik tihs artickle, even wons from “Presedent Bush, the Prince of Nigeerea, and Teh direckter of TEH FBI”, she still gave four hundrad thousind dollurs to a scammer. What a rooob.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorTime to break out the Bat-Litigation Repellant
Posted on November 13, 2008
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There’s always some out there trying to cash in on someone else. In 2007, Transformers saw Transmorphers. Snakes on a Plane saw Snakes on a Train. However, sometimes it’s not so much a something as it’s a someone. Such as:
The mayor of Batman, Turkey is suing Christopher Nolan for improper use of the name Batman.
Seriously. Why so?
“Until the 1950s, Batman was a small village.”
Yeesh.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorFilthy and satanic D&D nerds not welcome in pews
Posted on November 5, 2008
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So, earlier in the year, creator of Dungeons and Dragons, Gary Gygax passed away. His memory was honored by super-duper geekfest GenCon, who raised over $17,000 in an auction for Gygax’s favorite charity, the Christian Children’s Foundation. Irony was probably not lost on Gygax. What is lost? The money, as the CCF has decided to refuse the money.
Why? Because the money was raised with the sale of D&D merchandise.
You see, because the money came from a gaming convention, it would disrupt their principles. The group is claiming that this is about the “integrity” of its name, which it says it won’t lend to events it had no hand in.
Oh dear. There’s sticking to your principles, and then there’s just … well, quite frankly, there’s myopia.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorVideo games will kill you
Posted on November 4, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08, Scurry (Politics), Tokyoh-no!, What a Reach! | 1 Comment |
Iowa State University would have you believe that video games aren’t safe.
Iowa State University would like to it known that video games are causing aggressive behavior in children regardless of their cultural surroundings, which is totally not a case of kids being kids.
Iowa State University would like you to think that a new study from their merry halls shows several parallels to a recent Japanese study.
Iowa State University isn’t telling you the whole truth.
Video games will kill you. Video games are nothing but a tool of Al Qaeda. You want proof?
One detainee is said to have been schooled in making detonators out of Sega game cartridges.
That’s some old school destruction, and I’m not talking about the kind found in Gunstar Heroes. Whoever gets the job tonight won’t have to deal with just the fallout of the War in Iraq, Guantanamo Bay and the crash of Wall Street, but also the destructive capabilities of old copies of Mutant League Football.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSG Counterpoint: Your poop stinks
Posted on November 3, 2008
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Every couple of days, some Internet writer thinks they’re going to hold a mirror up to frequent users and cause us to rethink how we do our Serious Business. The attacks, like in Todd Leopold’s trite little puff piece (”#@*!!! Anonymous anger rampant on Internet”), are always the same list of grievances:
- Users are anonymous on the Internet.
- They can say whatever they want without fear of repercussion.
- Anyone can read what they say.
- Some kid committed suicide because her neighbor harassed her online.
- Therefore, we shouldn’t post angry statements on the Internet.
OK, for the sake of argument, let’s say that, yes, there are a lot of angry comments online about celebrity bad behavior, school bullies and morons, often using bad names and language.
So what? They’ve had it too good for far too long.
Americans have spent the last 200+ years not getting rebuked for doing stupid things like drunk driving, abusing their peers and spouting moronic talking points without getting called out on it. That’s how you change behavior: by posting every time someone gets away with being a poor example of humanity.
Thanks to anonymity, Internet users are able to do the one thing we can’t do in public: tell a jerk how it is. And now they have to listen, no matter how big, rich or powerful they may be.
Written by Rick SneeIran terminates spy pigeons, Robert Rodriguez intrigued by concept
Posted on October 21, 2008
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Maybe Iran isn’t so bad after all?
So, imagine this: you’re the head of a country. You’re really keen on getting your uranium. I mean, who isn’t, right? OK, so you’re just minding your own business, uranium-ing around when all of sudden, you’re being bombarded! Oh no! You’re being spied upon! By pigeons, no less! Quick, eradicate them! You have to. It’s a matter of national security! I mean, when you’re being spied upon by insidious pigeons with invisible strings, no cost is too great.
……
Hold on–”invisible strings”? OK, nevermind. Iran, you’re a bunch of dummies. Also, animals? Stop it. We don’t need you all to incite the human race into fighting each other, thank you very much.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorRich virgin boys to run from Switzerland to Apple’s open arms
Posted on September 26, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells, Tokyoh-no!, What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
The Swiss government is working hard to protect children from the evils of pornography … by banning pornography on all mobile devices. Why is a general ban necessary? Why, because if anyone’s allowed to get mobile porn, those crafty teenagers will find a way to get their hands on it! Totally sound logic all around–until, of course, you get the urge to watch highlights from the Swiss women’s Olympic volleyball team. Won’t someone stop thinking of the children and begin to think of the parents?
But wait–we’re not done with perverted cellphone news quite yet.
As if you couldn’t see enough actual boobs on your iPhone, some genius nerd geek virgin scary Japanese programmer Machead has created an application that actually allows you to touch and fondle them!
Or, maybe, just the outline of a boob, that is.
OK, so maybe it’s just a line.
But still: it’s a boob! And even if a bouncy little blob that responds to fingertip touch but lacks any definable features of a real breast gets less interesting the more you play with it, it’s wonderful to know that boob physics are alive and well—as are the stunning lengths that Apple fanboys will go to in order to grope a hot rack. No matter how digital it may be. And, since, in theory, it’s an application, that means that it’s free. Will the Swiss government put the kibosh on one of the hottest selling phones in the world (and by world, I mean the United States)?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorMassively multiplayer terrorism equals real time idiocy
Posted on September 17, 2008
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Sometimes, the powers that be can be hilarious. And sometimes, the powers that be can be downright hilarious. For example: last week, a Pentagon researcher presented members of the United States Intelligence Committee with a hypothetical scenario in which terrorists use the amazing popular MMORPG World of Warcraft to plan a terrorist attack.
No, really. Seriously. For example:
… Two World of Warcraft players discuss a raid on the “White Keep” inside the “Stonetalon Mountains.” The major objective is to set off a “Dragon Fire spell” inside, and make off with “110 Gold and 234 Silver” in treasure. “No one will dance there for a hundred years after this spell is cast,” one player, “war_monger,” crows.
Except, in this case, the White Keep is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. “Dragon Fire” is an unconventional weapon. And “110 Gold and 234 Silver” tells the plotters how to align the game’s map with one of Washington, D.C.
You see, terrorists might use code words in place of what they actually mean. Those diabolical monsters! Before WoW, Al Qaeda members were just standing in the street, yelling across the road to each other about their next targets and the dates of planned attacks, openly and all while paying no heed to our skillful code breakers. Only through the repeated and careful use of WoW have they finally learned that you can use secret words instead of publicly announcing what you’re plotting to do. And not via common sense. Nope. Never learned it via common sense. Beware the Anthrax laced Leroy Jenkins, everyone.
This reaches a whole new level of idiocy. And he gets paid to do this stuff! HE GETS PAID! Hey Pentagon! I could’ve told you all of that malarky that he just came up with for a lot cheaper than that dork!
I can only hope that he gets raided in a PVP server while hit with a magic missile of +45.
Of note: having never played WoW before, I have no idea what I just said.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorPutin: ‘B-b-b-but they did it!’
Posted on August 28, 2008
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For a not-president-of-Russia-anymore, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin sure has a lot to say about the invasion of Georgia. (They’re now up to ceasefire number 28: one more beats the Israeli-Palestinian monthly record!)
Putin now accuses the United States of starting this war, claiming our government encouraged Georgia to oppress South Ossetia and dispatched agents to orchestrate the entire affair.
Nice try, Putin. We wrote the book on making up other countries’ involvement in our wars (see: Iraq and 9/11). Don’t try to snow a snowman.
Bonus alternate punchline:
Oh, c’mon. We can’t be responsible for all of today’s wars! Mel Gibson has a theory you could borrow.