Good news and bad news

Good news: Taco Bell and KFC are apparently trying to go healthy. They’ve now been downgraded from “toxic sludge” to “poison”. Plus, healthier severed fingers and rats!

Bad news: Now if you eat at either of the two places, you’ll be living less dangerously. And chicks love danger. As such, the more you eat at Taco Bell or KFC, the less chance that you’ll have for picking up a lady.

Well, OK, maybe some things never really change.

What a reach: literary analyses of Super Bowl ads

Now that the Super Bowl’s over, let’s look at the news reports. The sports pages have plenty to say about the game (Colts won), the entertainment pages are figuring out Prince’s name this week and the indoor kids are focused entirely too much on the commercials.

Our favorite reach:

“Then, too, there was the unfortunate homonym at the heart of a commercial from Prudential Financial, titled ‘What Can a Rock Do?’

The problem with the spot, created internally at Prudential, was that whenever the announcer said, “a rock” — invoking the Prudential logo, the rock of Gibraltar — it sounded as if he were saying, yes, ‘Iraq.'”

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Cemetery Man’

A rollicking good time that doesn’t care one what about visual excess or maximum gore, Cemetery Man will entertain far more people than I presume would expect to enjoy it. Rupert Everett’s star qualities, finally made known to a broad audience since his killer turn in My Best Friend’s Wedding, are the perfect blend of smirkiness and swarthiness to hold together this tale of a graveyard attendant who is constantly, wearily assaulted by the corpses of people who just don’t feel like being dead. The buzz of Rupert’s doorbell usually signals the arrival of one such zombie, whom he promptly and even politely kills, then buries with the help of his mishmouthed, hunchback assistant Gnaghi. All in a day’s work for Rupert, whose name in this baroquely perverse film is Francesco Dellamore Dellamorte, which literally translates to “Francesco of Love, of Death.”

Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Cemetery Man’