Zombies are a major threat to the world. More importantly, they are a threat to democracy in this country and worldwide. They have run for elected office, they have frequently voted in elections and now they want representation in government.
That’s right, the zombie plague has spread in India. Grab a shotgun, everyone. And aim at the heads. And remember, no matter how hard they campaign, DO NOT shake their hands.
Unlike other blogs, we at SeriouslyGuys have no illusions about the impending threat from zombies. They want to eat our brains, they refuse to get jobs and even ran for office in last fall’s election.
However, now these zombies have sunk to a new low: they are attempting to fleece the federal government of Medicare its funds. The undead don’t need medical treatment, all they need is a shotgun blast to the head.
Take one part go-go dancer, her ex-boyfriend, two parts Josh Brolin, five parts the rest of their small town community who get swept up in your typical chemically man-made zombie super-soldier military conspiracy, one part Robert Rodriguez, and a bucket-load of gore, and what do you get? A go-go dancer that has an M-16 with a grenade launcher attachment, zombies, and part of one of the most insane movies of year. We on Earth like to call it Planet Terror … probably because that’s its name.
A rollicking good time that doesn’t care one what about visual excess or maximum gore, Cemetery Man will entertain far more people than I presume would expect to enjoy it. Rupert Everett’s star qualities, finally made known to a broad audience since his killer turn in My Best Friend’s Wedding, are the perfect blend of smirkiness and swarthiness to hold together this tale of a graveyard attendant who is constantly, wearily assaulted by the corpses of people who just don’t feel like being dead. The buzz of Rupert’s doorbell usually signals the arrival of one such zombie, whom he promptly and even politely kills, then buries with the help of his mishmouthed, hunchback assistant Gnaghi. All in a day’s work for Rupert, whose name in this baroquely perverse film is Francesco Dellamore Dellamorte, which literally translates to “Francesco of Love, of Death.”
Sam Duncan is a motivated man. He won’t even let death keep him from his campaign.
Duncan may have died in October, but that didn’t mean a thing to the people of Union County, N.C. They gave him 12,000 votes to elect him to the county’s Soil and Water Conservation board.
Voters said they were not notified of Duncan’s death. Clearly, there are zombies or zombie sympathizers in the Union County Board of Elections.
As we all know, this is not the first case of the undead campaigning for public office.
Grab your shotguns, stock up on ammo and practice your head shots, everyone. It seems the zombie uprising is edging closer with each new day.
Stay tuned to SG for updates on the rise of the undead.
In Australia, many traffic tickets are being attributed to the deceased. Clearly, zombies are not only running for office, they are out there on the roads today.
Folks, it’s time we fought back against these zombies. They’ve taken advantage of our public services for too long, now they’re putting us all in danger with their unsafe driving habits.
This blog hates zombies.
Please remember to vote tomorrow in the mid-term elections. If at all possible, vote for the zombie candidates.
They’re the candidates with braaaaaaaains.
There’s some weird component in us all that makes us wonder how we would deal with the apocalypse. Would we be people of action, stepping up in the moment when we are most needed, or would we be cowering simps, hiding until the worst of it is over? The titular hero of Shaun of the Dead prefers to gather some friends (or acquaintinces) and head over to the pub for a drink in the midst of a gigantic zombie rampage, hoping for said rampage to be over by the time that they’re sufficiently smashed to deal with it. Genius!
