Cats: the new Hitler

We’ve been warning you about this for years, but nooooooooooooobody listens to us. We’ve tried to tell you that the animals are advancing on us, finding new ways to control us, even through mind control. But apparently it takes a scientific study to prove what four unaccredited Radford University grads have been trying to tell you since 2006: cats control people.

Those innocent, purring faces are doing more than begging you for a head scratch and a can of tuna. Oh no, these felines are trying to break our defense systems. Fight back and eat more authentic Chinese food!