Disco might be dead, but you won’t be

The good doctor is out for the week, so we can’t give you professional medical advice. Luckily, we don’t need a doctor to tell us this is a crock: a recent study found that the Bee Gees’ hit “Stayin’ Alive” has an ideal beat for giving CPR.

Make whatever jokes you want about the song title actually meaning something deeper than not getting capped while walking through New York City dressed like polyester fire sale. We’ll wait.

Done? OK. Yes, the 1977 hit, which may or may not have been a contributing factor to my parents dating, might be able to save lives. You know what we say? That’s crap. The only thing that song is good for is one of the best scenes in Airplane! Encouraging first responders to think of this song when they give CPR is dangerous. Do you really want your ambulance driver humming the tune when he or she is taking you to the hospital?

Worse yet, what happens if a disco ball drops down from somewhere? Does everyone have to start dancing?