It’s National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week, which is why everyone’s wearing pink all month long. To help spread awareness of alcohol to kids in college, we are sending out this message of support: Hey, college kids! Did you know that drinking makes to cooler?
(Also, we’re on a week-long bender, that’s why we haven’t updated SG News in so long.)
There’s a new diet sweeping through the annals of higher education in our fine country. It’s helping thousands lose weight. It’s called drunkorexia, which also sounds like the most awesome dinosaur ever to stagger the Earth. Drunkorexia is one of the easiest diets around. All you do is cut back on your food during the day so you can save up those calories for booze later on! There’s no need to work off the extra calories, because there are none. Of course, you do get a massive hangover from drinking on an empty stomach, which leads to eating greasy foods.
We predict the next big thing on campus will be drunkolimia. Eat and drink as much as you want, because you’re going to throw it up at the end of the night anyway. It works for Rick Snee!