Eat My Sports: Can it

On Monday, Boston Red Sox pitcher and resident blogger Curt Schilling went through possible career ending surgery on his shoulder. So, naturally the ensuing questions and articles over the past week have been about Schilling’s Hall of Fame credentials. This led to the ensuing thought of mine: what are HOF credentials? Are they like press credentials? Because I got a laminate once and was told that they were my “credentials.” So Curt, if all you get from the HOF is a laminated piece of paper, tell them where they can put it.

I could throw out numbers, but honestly they wouldn’t paint the entire portrait of a career that was much larger than the numbers. It would be like saying Roger Clemens ate a dozen donuts, the true merits go into what donuts he ate, and how much Viagra was in them. I mean there were a few plain donuts in there (for those of you not capable of keeping up with metaphors, this particular “donut” would be his 2005 season), but there are also the Bavarian Creams and the raspberry ones you can drink with a straw, Garth. (Once again, class, these two gems would be is 2001 and 2004 campaigns)

Certain things cannot be measured, sure his regular season win total was not that impressive, but ask what Schill meant to any of those squads, and the impact far exceeds that of a W. Let’s throw some more metaphors in here. Schilling was like the early movie career of Jason Lee. Sure, when you looked at the cast, you thought “Jesus Christ, here we go again,” but when the moment called for it, like during the gameshow and “stink palm” scenes of Mallrats, Lee delivered better than anyone before moving on to chipmunks. Sure, Lee didn’t win any Academy Awards, but his impact has been long lasting, and has translated to different platforms, including the best comedy on television.

The argument for Schilling’s HOF candidacy will be his legendary post seasons. If anyone watched number 38 in October, you knew that he was the most feared person on the mound, out any dugout. That included series that featured Bartolo Colon (Cy Young winner at the time), Pedro Martinez, Mariano Rivera and C.C. “Music Factory” Sabathia. So basically to wrap up the metaphor, Schilling is to these guys, what Lee was to Kevin Smith, Ben “Gigli” Affleck, Matt Damon and Alvin.

So to everyone trying to put his career under a microscope and put him down because the numbers “don’t add up,” leave the guy alone. He pitched a career that most could only imagine of being able to do. Let him have his moment to reflect, after all, the guy got compared to Jason Lee on an Internet blog, what can you say about yourself?

Top five things that annoy me in sports this week:
5. Adam Jones
You’ll “pray” for Don Imus? I’m sure satan even has his limitations.
4. Tiger Woods Golf for AT&T phones
Are you seriously telling me that I can only play on Pebble Beach?
3. Don Imus
How #$%&ing dumb are you?
2. Kobe
Ha! You got called out by Shaq. I would post a clip, but I can’t find an edited version of the clip, but it basically asks Kobe how The Big Diesel’s engine tastes.
1. NBA Draft
I don’t give a crap unless O.J. “If the glove fits, then you must acquit” Mayo slips to the Knicks.