Eat My Sports: I hope you never win a Super Bowl

I know what you’re wondering: “Jesus, Bryan, you only talk about football and baseball. And baseball season starts next week, yet you have yet to release your always on point picks. Like when you picked the Red Sox and Cubs to meet in the World Series last year.” Fear not avid readers, my picks will be in next week’s column, and they would have been in this week’s had it not been for one franchise, nay, one city that is really starting to tick me off. I’m looking at you Philadelphia, and I hope Kevin Kolb turns into Ryan Leaf for you.

You ever date somebody that you were obviously better than? I mean I’m talking about an invested relationship that takes years. Then, this person, who by no means should be with you, cheats on you, despite you treating them better than anyone else would. I have. And Donovan McNabb, if you get traded, I pray to God whatever team you go to wins the Super Bowl, and Philadelphia never wins one, because you my friend have been wronged.

As an avid Red Sox fan, I used to think that we were an insane fan base, but we were more on the whining side than anything else, even if we didn’t win, we celebrated our heroes (Ted Williams, Carlton Fisk, NOMAHHHHHHH) all the same. Philadelphia? What do they do to their franchise quarterback? They booed him on draft day, have tried to trade him every season since 2004, and consistently hate a guy that keeps the Eagles in contention every year, AND produces effing great Chunky Soup commercials with his momma.

Do you know what it’s like to wait for a franchise qb (Rick, feel free to chime in on this one)? Being a Steelers’ fan, I’ve been fortunate since 2004 with Ben “It’s Not Rape If I’m Not Convicted” Roethlisberger in having the most important roster spot not be a question mark. However before that, I had to wait from the end of Terry Bradshaw’s career, up through Tommy Maddox in order to get there. And now Philadelphia wants to run off arguably the most successful athlete their city has ever known?

You deserve to lose. McNabb has done nothing but be the consummate professional and ambassador to your city, despite you giving him nothing in return. So when I die, and the Eagles are still looking for that Lombardi Trophy, I’ll be smiling for  you Donovan, I hope you get a better girlfriend next go round.