So it has come to this. The Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers in a game for the title, or as we like to say, for all the marbles. Last year, I predicted a 28-27 upset of the Patriots by Elisha Manning and his Giants. I also detailed how the game would play out, and also what it would be like to have The Guys together watching the game.
Well, dedicated readership, you’re getting half of what you’ve been wishing for since my Super Bowl column last year! Bryan McBournie and I will be watching the game and trying not to kill each other this very Sunday. How will both games play out … I wonder ….
First quarter
NBC starts off their coverage by showing a split-screen of Kurt Warner and his wife. Bound by our drinking rules, McBournie and I take our obligatory shots of Jack Daniel’s and wait for kickoff. Warner orchestrates a methodical drive that picks apart the Steelers’ defense until a third down stuff by Troy Polamalu stops the Cardinals at the Pittsburgh 30. The Cardinals take the field goal and an early 3-0 lead as I start going over the ways I’ve jinxed the team in two weeks and McBournie stares at his framed headshot of Tom Brady.
After being forced by drinking rules to chug a beer after a report by Tiki Barber, our heroes re-focus on the game. Ben Roethlisberger puts together a decent looking drive that falters though at mid-field. The Steelers punt the ball away. The Cardinals, seeking blood get greedy. Warner decides to test the Steelers’ defense by throwing deep to Larry Fitzgerald who is being double covered by Ike Taylor and Polamalu. Polamalu picks off the past and asks Fitzgerald who does his hair. Roethlisberger, seeing a shot to flip the script hits a 34-yard strike to Santonio Holmes as I politely ask McBournie “What did the five fingers say to the face?”
Steelers 7 Cardinals 3
Second quarter
Lost in all the hype has been Edgerrin James’ shot at a title. The first drive of the second quarter leads to James willing his way to a touchdown and the Cardinals regaining the lead. The scoring stops there in the second quarter as both teams’ offenses sputter to get any consistency. McBournie, seeing his shot to rattle me, starts in on how the Steelers will choke the game away. We don’t like to bring up family, but the sisters are brought to the forefront of the argument.
Cardinals 10 Steelers 7
Third quarter
Willie Parker has a knack for knowing big moments. Yes, McBournie, I’m sure my sister does, too. Parker, breaks his own Super Bowl record by taking a handoff and running 80 yards to pay dirt. He wasn’t there to start no trouble, he just wanted to do the Super Bowl shuffle. A James Harrison induced fumble by Kurt Warner primes Pittsburgh for another score as Roethlisberger hits Hines Ward in the end zone for some breathing room. This is the part where we call Rick Snee and interrupt his evening wine out at the local bar.
With time expiring in the third, Warner finds a seam and hits Anquan Boldin for a 45-yard strike that brings the Cards back to within four. Warner prays that Jesus is watching the Super Bowl, McBournie and I pray that our friends don’t drink the last of the Miller Lite.
Fourth quarter
After the Cardinals get it close and bookies in Vegas on Pittsburgh start sweating it out, Ben Roethlisberger cements his legacy by using a 13-play, nine-minute drive that ends with another Holmes touchdown catch putting the game nearly out of reach. McBournie wonders why the football Gods betrayed him and goes outside to kick something and possibly smoke a cigar. I, on the other hand go to the bedroom to kick something as surely the Steelers are ill-fated to choke away the game in the final six minutes. True to fashion, Warner gets a quick score to bring the Cardinals back within four and three and a half to play.
The Steelers’ offense struggles at the most inopportune time and is forced to punt the ball away with one minute remaining and a four point lead. Warner decides to test the Steelers’ secondary one more time. Only this time, Deshea Townshend creates a microcosm of the Steelers’ season as he intercepts the ball to win the game with 30 seconds to play. Proving that defense wins championships and sisters make the best insults, the Steelers take the game.
The call: Steelers 28 Cardinals 24.
I wish it was going to be that exciting of a game. I think the Cardinals are going to get blown out, but I’m hoping the Steelers lose so you’ll shut up finally. The closer match will be in drinking.
In all fairness, I never wrote a column about the Steelers or had them ranked higher than three on my rankings. So, it’s not like I’ve been blowing them up this season or anything. In fact, I spent most of the year praising the Giants and knocking down the Cowboys.
In all fairness, you’ve been bragging about them on and offline, not to mention spent an entire season hating on my team for the sole reason of hating on them. I don’t really care who wins this year, but it’s fun to watch the underdog.
I’ve “bragged” in all of one sentence since the season started, and I don’t think I’ve brought up anything outside of baseball in person. There was no “hating” on the Pats. I told you I don’t like Brady, and I wouldn’t want to see any team go 19-0, even the Steelers.