Eat My Sports: Mailbag edition

This week could not be limited to one topic. With so much happening in the sports world this past week, how could I let you, my loyal readers, be cheated by anything other than full coverage of this little circus? And by loyal readers, I mean that this week I’m pretending that people actually write me with questions that they want answers. So, if any of you actually read this, this is what you would be asking me this week.

Bryan, your old pal Manny Ramirez was busted for steroids this week. Given your harsh stance on A-Rod, do you feel the same way about Manny, or was it different because he did it for your Sox?
-Tim S, Lansing, Michigan

If you guys should know anything about me now, is that I will not forgive or pardon any steroid user. I’m thankful that what happened with Manny happened in Los Angeles, however, Manny’s namesake is now sullying reputations of guys like David Ortiz and Pedro Martinez simply because of association. And for guys like that who I will always hold a special place for, it’s wrong, but sadly unavoidable.

The main question I’ve been hearing come up is now the Hall of Fame issue. Should these guys be allowed in? And unfortunately I’m going to have to say “yes.” It’s leaking out that so many were doing it that from a media perspective you have to look at it and say that the playing field was to some degree, level. Does it excuse them? No, but people like Ramirez and Rodriguez will forever have their names associated with steroids, which I think in some respects, is punishment enough. (PS, I completely understand Manny’s mood swings now, he was pregnant for almost eight years in Boston, it all makes sense.)

You continually bash the NBA like an ex-girlfriend you sort of wish you could still hook-up with. We hear you complaining, but secretly know you love it cause it was your main love at one point. That being said, what are your thoughts on this year’s playoffs?
-Alexa V, Tempe, Arizona

Points for the metaphor Alexa, I still cheat with the NBA from time to time, ’cause I just can’t quit it. Even with the Knicks out of this year’s playoffs, the NBA has won me back. I have never seen a more physical, brutal or entertaining playoffs in almost a 10 years. The Rockets are making everyone doubt the Lakers, Boston is actually having to defend their title with Glen Davis being their focal point of their front court, and having success, Denver is making me believe, and let’s not forget about King James.

If you are not watching the playoffs this year, then you don’t like sports. And when Carmelo Anthony and James square off in the NBA Finals against each other, remember that I’ve been telling you to watch this.

Speaking of Glen “Big Baby” Davis, do you think he should apologize for nearly running over that 12-year-old kid who was courtside?
-Courtney H, Houston, Texas

I would only expect Davis to apologize if he hit the kid in slow motion with one of his manboobs. Other than that, if you don’t want some part of Davis to hit you during the game, I suggest you watch it from the comfort of your living room.

This year LOST has really thrown me through a loop, and I have to be questioning Jack. If you were Dharma Initiative Jack right now, would you be leading them like this?
-Claire, South Pacific Magical Island

OK, first off, everyone needs to realize that Jack should theoretically be going through withdrawal symptoms from booze and oxycodone. So anything he should be planning to do with an atomic bomb should be taken with a grain of salt. But at the same time, Kate is obviously going through some deranged postpartum depression issues with losing Aaron, so her being the main one to fight Jack isn’t making her look any saner.

If I were to trust anyone, I would be following Sawyer. Go back to the mainland and make some sports bets. And if it were me, prevent Roger Clemens from ever pitching in the 1986 World Series.

Speaking of Clemens, what do you think of his half-assed explanation on Mike and Mike this morning?
-Brenda M, Boston

Clemens should have anything he says recycled and used for fertilizer. If you really believe that he magically re-discovered his pitching ability after being a washed-up bum in Boston for almost four years, you need to get the syringes out of your ears. The only thing I would believe from that interview is that the Mikes probably bribed him with a box of donuts.

Brett Favre is coming back again, you going to brown-nose and pick the Vikings to win the division like you did with the Jets?
-Mike G, DC

Not only that, but I will predict that once Brett goes into a retirement home, he will leave once a year only to come back and surprise everyone who had tried to forget about him.

But seriously, if Favre goes to the Vikes, they’re in the Super Bowl, and losing badly.