OK, so its Week 2 of the NFL pre-season. You’re pumped up because in four short weeks you’re going to get to see NFL action that actually means something. You’re ready to go, you’ve got your Eagles number seven Ron Mexico jersey ordered and you are ready to rock. But wait, before you make a total mockery of yourself out at the bar or even in the comforts of your own home, follow my rules and people won’t be using your name and K-Fed’s in the same sentence.
Never tuck your jersey in
I cannot overstate this enough, but the only way you should have a tucked in jersey is if you are actually playing. We get it, you love your team enough that you want people to actually think you’re Eli Manning, just please understand that you look ridiculous when you tuck it in to your size 44 Wranglers, real, comfortable, jeans. And a side-note on this, never wear a jersey for any sport when that sport is not in its season, this actually allows people to quantify your pathetically.
It’s Miller time
Nothing exemplifies our manliness as an American culture quite like our ability to scream at a television over games we are nowhere near. You need to keep yourself from getting parched, right? Beer must be served at every occasion for football related activities. You don’t even need to drink it. But just realize how you look by comparison when your girlfriend has gotten you hooked on appletinis over the summer. Football and beer belong together, it’s natural, and anything less would be uncivilized.
Stay classy, but remain current
Look man, nobody is gonna lie to you, everyone thinks that your 2005 Cincinnati Bengals AFC North Division Champs t-shirt is super sweet, but really, get in the now. Nothing says “I can’t get over the past” quite like harping over meaningless accomplishments your squad has achieved in the past. Super Bowl champion t-shirts are allowed, but look, just cause your team made a sweet run for the Wild Card, then lost in the opening round in 1999, doesn’t mean we care to see the shirt or talk about that awesome drive your backup quarterback had.
Let fantasy football consume you
Fantasy is the greatest thing ever. Why? Because when CBS is showing a Lions-Rams showdown in Week 8, and you made a late move to acquire Matthew Stafford and Stephen Jackson, all of a sudden, made for TV crap turns into solid gold!
Remember the Lions!
It’s OK to jump on this bandwagon at any point, but we here at SG are throwing our full fledged support behind a rookie quarterback and perhaps the worst defense in NFL history, and we will say we told you so.