It hit me earlier this week, we need an overhaul. Basically for going on 20 years, we as an American sports nation have relied too heavily on the same songs, over and over and over and over and over and over again at our sporting events. Someone wins, you get Queen’s “We Are The Champions,” someone gets ejected or loses, it’s Steam’s “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” to get the crowd pumped up you play “Rock and Roll Part 2” by Gary Glitter, or, enter any of these:
- Baha Men – “Who Let the Dogs Out?”
- Bush – “Machine Head” (I’m actually OK with this one, but given that 90 percent of people at games couldn’t tell you who this is, sorry Gavin, it’s time to move on)
- Metallica – “Enter Sandman”
- The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”
- Tony Basil – “Mickey” (Still don’t know how this one EVER got thrown in to a stadium’s mix)
- The Village People – “YMCA” (This tells you everything you need to know about why we need a change)
Here is my criteria:
1. You MUST have a popular song. Sure, Stroke 9’s “Kick Some Ass” might get you pumped up, but to 20,000 screaming fans who probably haven’t seen Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, it just sounds like another angry 20-year old.
2. National relevance. The Dropkick Murphys can fly in Boston, but try playing “Your Spirit’s Alive” at The Staples Center, and your likely to have unruly fans chucking soy lattes at each other.
3. Easy transcendance into sports. Your song MUST be able to be played during a Jumbotron montage without people wondering why you’re so angry at George W. Bush (sorry, Green Day).
4. Jock Rock is a must. This is why Fred Durst will make his only good list of the year.
5. Must be up-tempo. I know all you goth rockers want your sports and your Evanescence. But you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Amy Lee’s brooding tone will get you about as pumped up as chasing 15 downers with a beer.
The Choices:
Limp Bizkit – “Rollin”
Your squad goes on a 29-3 run, what better way to have the crowd get behind you than screaming “keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin WHAT!!!!!” This adheres to having an easily recognizable song, that is easy to sing to, and keeps you pumped about the win to come while you’re ordering your third hot dog from the acne-ridden vendor. Plus, this song is only eight years old at this point, still fresh enough.
Britney Spears – “Gimme More”
You have to have a pop song in there at some point. I know that the former Senora Federline isn’t exactly going to be going all Jessica Simpson on us, but tell me you wouldn’t at least be entertained by having the mega speakers scream “It’s Britney, bitch.”
3 Doors Down – “It’s Not My Time”
The meaning of this song can be easily misinterpreted as saying that “you’re not giving up.” And for the closet emo kid that already has a fragile psyche from being a Baltimore Orioles fan, well this will give you hope, Rick.
Eminem – “Lose Yourself”
Do I really need to explain this one? I’m not even a big fan of rap, but this song gets me pumped. It will get your team and crowd excited for that rally that will steal the win before the end of the game. Sad note for Eminem: this does not apply in Detroit, sorry, but your city is just screwed.
The Von Bondies – “C’mon, C’mon”
Official theme of SG and instant rallying cry anywhere. Is it safe to score? C’mon, c’mon.
Top five things that annoy me in sports this week:
5. The Jason Taylor trade
Nothing about this seems logical, right or fair.
4. Greg Norman’s “collapse”
The Shark still has it. Great four days of golf, give the man some credit.
3. The ESPYs
First off, the name is still dumb. Secondly, don’t record something on a Thursday night, then air it on Sunday to “appear” live.
2. The Dark Knight
I’m just jealous I didn’t get a chance to see it this weekend.
1. MLB All-Star Game
I could’ve used some sleep last Tuesday.