Eat My Sports: NFL year in review

Give me an adjustment period, OK? Look, pitchers and catchers reported today, but it is still a good little while until baseball is in full swing. I’m going to try and branch out to cover some different sports like NASCAR or midget tossing, but for the meantime, let me live in the past.

Predicted NFC division winners: Philadelphia, Atlanta, Green Bay, Seattle
Result: 0-4
How it happened: Um, look, as dead on as I was last year, things took a turn. Now mind you I did have Philadelphia, Green Bay and Minnesota making the playoffs, so three out of six ain’t bad. I will take the blame for you wagering any money on Atlanta, Chicago and Seattle though. If you put your faith in Matt Hasselbeck or Jay Cutler, you’re dumber than I am for writing this crap.

Predicted AFC division  winners: Pittsburgh, Houston, New England, San Diego
Result: 2-2
How it happened: Two words for the entire ####ing thing, Troy Polamalu. I’m not going to make excuses for the rest of the defense, but I promise you, remove the Madden curse on Polamalu’s knee and the Steelers are living in Sevenburgh (catchy and horrendous at the same time, kind of like when the Rockets lived in “Twoston” after the 1995-1995 NBA season). Speaking of Houston, Oilers version 3.0 were on the cusp this year, and I was dead wrong about Indianapolis, however hit the nail on the head with New England, San Diego and New York. You’re welcome.

NFC Playoffs: Screw you New Orleans. I picked you to represent the NFC a year and a half ago, and I get no respect. Aaron Rodgers played the game of his life, and not for a crappy offensive line, my ballsy Green Bay Super Bowl prediction would have come to fruition. Instead the NFC made me look like I know about as much about football as Taylor Swift knows about hitting the correct notes.

AFC Playoffs: San Diego and Pittsburgh made me look like a freaking moron this year. There was one saving grace, the New York Jets. Mark “Dirty” Sanchez will be a Super Bowl Champion within five years, mark it. Also, Joe Flacco’s unibrow will serve as a new version of the Bay Bridge in Maryland before his career is over.

Super Bowl: Hell yeah I picked the Steelers, and majority of the football world did too. They returned nearly every starter from a championship team, the line was coming together, Ben Roethlisberger was avoiding windshields, it was great. Then the Madden curse. Kudos to New Orleans though for doing what literally no one thought they could accomplish: beat the immortal Peyton Manning. However I now hate your city for limiting his amount of commercial endorsements this coming off season.

SeriouslyLions ‘09 (18-1)
Change you can believe in
W 28-21 against New England Patriots in Super Bowl
Schools: 16-29 212 yards 2 TD 2 INT, 12 rushes 154 yards TD
McB: 14 rushes 98 yards TD, 2 rec 38 yards, 4 KR 125 yards, 5 PR 78 yards
Julie:  6 rec 155 yards TD
Rick:  5 tckl
Chugs: 4-4 XP

Thank you all for believing in us, we wish we could tell you how special it was and how enjoyable the ride to a Super Bowl championship was, but Rick was spiking our Gatorade with vodka and on occasion roofies, so the whole thing is kind of a blur. Join us next year when we take on the crappiest of all situations as we become the SeriouslyRedskins.