As you’ve seen by now, Bryan Schools is taking a much needed marriage-based vacation (we currently believe he’s desecrating Rome as you read this very sentence). That’s why we’re all taking turns at his column.
Wait, hold up, come back. I know that being the movie guy on this site, I might not be the first guy you think of to write about sports. “He writes about movies! His news posts involve video games and cooking and aliens spore pods and Angelina Jolie’s hiney!”
Heh. You just said hiney.
And yet. If I must validate myself, my credentials include this: 4 years of high school football (one year in which my team went undefeated and won a state championship), 4 years of high school basketball, around 2 decades of being a consistent season ticket attendee of UVa football games (vainglorious in defeat!) and a better ability to discuss both the management and player sides of the NFL, NBA and NCAA than most meatheads. There, I have now swung my manly e-penis.
But you know what? All of that doesn’t really matter to me that much, and it shouldn’t matter to you all that much either. Why? Because we’re going to talk about movies. You see, movies permeate our existence-that is fact. It’s debatable whether books or movies give us a deeper look at the inner thoughts of a person, but seeing as how I’m a visual type of guy, I think you can figure out my choice. So yes, movies, are awesome-especially sports movies. Even if you’ve never been a member of a sports team, sports movies allow us to get a glimpse at how those things work. Can we be “the I in team” and still win, or do we need to function as one cohesive unit? Is it easy being a star athlete or are they as foible as you and I?
That’s why we’re going to take a quick glimpse at the 5 Best Sports Movies. Hit the jump to see them.
Caddyshack: Welcome to the movie that makes golfing look fun. Chevy Chase (when he’s good), Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray-how can it go wrong? Answer-it can’t and it doesn’t. Over the course of 98 minutes, we’re made privy to the finer points of life: how to pick up a lady, how relax on the green, how to make trick shots and the musical genius that is Kenny Loggins.
Reasonable substitute: Happy Gilmore. That’s it. There is no sequel to Caddyshack.
Raging Bull: Never has a film been more poetic in its use of violence. Robert De Niro is an utter force of nature in what is arguably the best role that he’s ever played. Watch a boxing career unfold, peak and fall. But wait-there’s more. It’s the beauty in the transformation that is part of the magic of the movie. The first time you see Raging Bull, I can guarantee that it will leave you exhausted-it’s that high pitch of a movie.
Reasonable substitute: Rocky (despite it being more of the story of Apollo Creed), The Great White Hype, Rocky III (Mr. T! Hulk Hogan!), Rocky IV (Drago must be powerful-just look at how many monitoring patches are taped to him!)
Bull Durham: I’ll say this straight up-I’m not a baseball fan. Yes, I can go to a live game and enjoy it, but I can’t watch it on tv. Nor can I play it. Baseball is the most boring game possible to me. It’s just … tedious. Despite that, I will sit down and watch this movie in a heartbeat if it’s on. It’s the greatest combination of a love story, a sports movie and a comedy, all while spitting on the cliches that tend to infest those genres. Remember what I said about movies being viewpoints into perspectives? Writer/director Ron Shelton created the movie based off of his true experiences as a minor league baseball player. It don’t get no better than this.
Reasonable substitute: Major League, Major League II (for the masochists), The Bad News Bears, Field of Dreams, Battlefield Baseball
Brian’s Song: Real men don’t cry. Real men also get cancer. Okay, maybe real men can cry. And with that, a movie was born. Welcome to the real story of Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers, two incredible players for the Chicago Bears. Welcome to a rivalry turn into a lifelong friendship. Welcome to a lifelong friendship cut horribly short. Every normal person out there has made at least one complaint in his or her life about athletes and the ridiculous amounts of money that they get played-but not everything in their life is still fair. Here is the legacy that this movie left: it remains the best example of the most different of men competing fairly and getting along peacefully ever filmed
Reasonable substitute: Rudy, Varsity Blues, The Program, Any Given Sunday, Remember the Titans
He Got Game: Growing up in a small town, it’s easy to turn into that doe-eyed kid that becomes amazed at any town bigger than your own and any experiences that seem greater than yours. This movie helps to explain why. While the Denzel Washington portions of the movie aren’t quite as good as one would hope, everything else about the movie is as close as you get to reality.
Reasonable substitute: Blue Chips, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, Space Jam, White Men Can’t Jump, any of the And 1 Mixtape series
I told you that popcorn links all.