Welcome to another edition of Eat My Sports sans Schools. I, Bryan McBournie will be your host this evening. Bryan Schools is where he has been for a week now, curled up in his room, shaking, with the television turned to FOX waiting for the World Series to come back on, mumbling something about Joe Buck.
Sounding off about sports is not typically my thing, but watching the NFL this season has brought something very important to my attention: teams don’t like wearing their regular jerseys anymore. When it comes to retro jerseys, the former AFL teams are guilty.
I get the 50-year anniversary celebration, but that’s one game. Sweet Troy Aikman, it’s only one game. Sure, we all like to be reminded of what your team used to look like before you moved it to another venue, but if you keep wearing them, it’s not really throwback, is it?
Perhaps you’re just too embarrassed to wear your team colors, Tennessee Titans, I get it. We all miss Warren Moon. Kansas City Chiefs, you played a game with the freaking state of Texas on your helmet! At least you had the restraint to only do it once.
My own New England Patriots are guilty, too. They’ve worn their red throwbacks with the white Pat Patriot logo twice this season, and it’s only half over. (By the way, does anyone else see the irony in the one anti-English nicknamed team being the most popular one in the U.K.?) The New York Jets don’t look like the Jets and the Denver Broncos, as Keith Olberman put it, look like the 1972 San Diego Padres, (a team that has their own alternate jersey problem). Why did they do this to us, to prove that they used to have uniforms even uglier that their purple/orange/ white ones?
It’s OK to take a look back once in a while, but the NFL is beginning to live in the past. They are quickly becoming that dude with the sports car cranking rock music in the parking lot of the high school he graduated from two years earlier.
The Broncos are by far the worst offenders with non-regular jerseys this season. Not only have they worn their throwbacks several times, but they have also worn their orange alternate jerseys which make them resemble traffic cones. The Baltimore Ravens have their all black alternate jerseys that make them look scary, but when the Houston Texans tried an all-red uniform this season, they ended up looking like Chris Kringle himself.
So NFL teams, stop having an identity crisis, stop grabbing for more fan money. We know what you used to look like, we know what those more subtle colors on your jerseys are and we know why they aren’t more prominently used. We like you just the way you are with your regular old white and color jerseys.
And now, I submit to you the Eat My Sports regular features actually written by Schools in bold, but with my commentary in the regular style font.
Top five games you can bet on this week
5. Atlanta Falcons (-10) over Washington Redskins
I was drunk when I picked this one.
4. Houston Texans (+9.5) over Indianapolis Colts
Peyton Manning is goofy looking. There. I said it.
3. New Orleans Saints (-14) over Carolina Panthers
Delhomme is a good quarterback–when he’s not eating turf.
2. Philadelphia Eagles (-3) over Dallas Cowboys
Which Iggles team will show up to play?
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) over Denver Broncos
Come on, you know I was going to pick this one.
Last week:2-3
The season: 18-16-1
SeriouslyLions ’09 (7-1)
Change you can believe in.
Week 8: W 48-28 at home against St. Louis Rams
Schools: 14-22 222 yards, 2 TD, 1 rush 4 yards TD
McB: 17 rush 230 yards 3 TD, 4 KR 111 yards 1 PR 23 yards
Julie: 2 rec 60 yards
Rick: 3 tckl int
Chugs: 2-2 FG long of 41, 6-6 XP
SeriouslyPowerRankings
5. Minnesota Vikings (7-1)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2)
3. Denver Broncos (6-1)
2. Indianapolis Colts (7-0)
1. New Orleans Saints (7-0)