Eat My Sports: The new ‘what the hell?’ NFL

Welcome back kids, and say hello to the new bizarro NFL! That’s right step right up and see that the NFC West is being led by the 4-2 Arizona Cardinals, see that 3-3 earns you a tie for first AND last place in the AFC East! It’s a bold new strange world, and I would say get used to it, if it wasn’t an annomily.

Consider this as an example, last year the Steelers, Packers and Patriots went a combined 40-8. This year, and I’m guessing the Mayans might have something to do with this, those same three teams are 8-9. Three of the most steady franchises over the past decade plus, can’t get a pulse on what’s going on, and we’re having annual jokes like the Cardinals and Texans enjoying a string of success to start the year off.

And for me, this whole thing is throwing off my predictions. At this point I don’t know up from down, right from left or Tom Brady from Tim Tebow with this season going the way that it is. Which is why I offer picks for games in case any of you happen to visit Las Vegas. On to the picks:

Top five games you can bet on this week:

5. Oakland Raiders (-4) over Jacksonville Jaguars
Least. Watchable. Game. Ever.
4. Dallas Cowboys (-1) over Carolina Panthers
The battle of who could care less.
3. New Orleans Saints (-2.5) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Time to see if Drew Brees has it back.
2. Indianapolis Colts (-3) over Cleveland Browns
How is this not a lock?
1. Baltimore Ravens (+6.5) over Houston Texans
You lock it up.

This week: 1-4
The season: 10-14-1

SeriouslyPowerRankings
5. San Francisco 49ers (4-2)
That, ladies and gentlemen, was ugly.
4. New York Giants (4-2)
Shows that last year’s title game was no fluke.
3. Baltimore Ravens (5-1)
Ravens got lucky, then lost Ray Lewis, not so lucky.
2. Houston Texans (5-1)
Not gonna knock the Texans for a loss to a desperate Packers team, but this squad needs to be aware that every week they will have a target on them.
1. Atlanta Falcons (6-0)
Four consecutive weeks without a Michael Turner DUI!