When I was 21, I went on a date to go see M Night Shymalan’s “The Village.” I had low expectations after “Unbreakable” and Mel Gibson’s performance in “To Hell With My Daughter and the Jews Signs.” Still, I came in with hope, that maybe, just maybe, one of the biggest releases of the summer would actually live up to the hype. Five minutes into the movie I told the girl I was with that not only were they in a secluded village from the modern world, but they would need to contact the modern world for help to save them. Not only was I right, but the ride to the end was boring, I wanted my money back for being able to know what was going to happen, and I had to deal with crappy acting along the way. Welcome to sports in the summer of 2010.
Coming into this summer I expected a few things: Tiger Woods to fail on an epic level that even a year ago never seemed possible, the NBA landscape to face a massive power shift, and the Yankees to pay their way to another boring first place finish. (Side note: don’t even say that you didn’t see that prostitution case with Lawrence Taylor coming, the man’s got more powder on his face than the Pillsbury Doughboy.) Well and basically, I called it, and it was a boring ride to the finish.
Woods’ epic slide has continued to look as bad as his goatee. At his latest event Woods finished a career-worst 30 behind the event winner. Say what you want, but in a sport that your only opponent is yourself, Woods has lost every conceivable edge he built up since becoming a pro in 1996. From being feared by pros and cocktail waitress’ everywhere, to shanking every shot, we saw this coming as early as January, people just didn’t want to admit it.
The NBA landscape changed for the worst, but we knew it was going to happen. The only curve ball thrown was how. And basically, LeBron James and ESPN made the Miami Heat and the LeBron James brand as well as “sports journalism” take as bad a public image hit as could be expected. A good surprise works, but one that makes you loathe three things simultaneously that you once admired is as bad as “Lady In the Water.”
What can I say about the Yankees that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? So how does a poor, depleted team with an All-Star at every position possibly contend? Trade for a Johnny Damon upgrade to Curtis Granderson and steal Lance Berkman at the trade deadline. Very original. At least I can tune out the Yankees and Joe Buck this Fall.
Alright, I’m almost done bludgeoning myself, but first I need to pay to see “The Last Air Bender.”