Eat My Sports: Universal order

In my 25 plus years of existence on this planet I have gotten to see my favorite sports team twice. I have been lucky enough to say that. Never in their home town of Boston, but in two different cities with big enough fan bases to create a home field advantage.

According to Hank Steinbrenner though, there is no such thing as the Red Sox Nation. So therefore, when I saw the Sox play in Atlanta and in Baltimore, I did not witness away stadiums turn into a see of red jeering the home team. You’re right Steinbrenner, I guess what I saw was made up by ESPN. The July 4th outing in 2004 at Turner Field was nothing more than a facade, the overwhelming amount of Nomar (pronounced no-mah) Garciaparra jerseys were a mere mirage. Granted, Derek Lowe made the Sox look like nothing more than AA ballclub that night, but you get the point.

And when fellow Guy Bryan McBournie and I saw the Sox pound Baltimore in their home yard, someone had slipped us the “brown ale” in the stadium when we were surrounded by 10 rows of Red Sox Nation on either side.

It’s my favorite time of year. Baseball (albeit Spring Training) has finally bestowed itself upon us. With the trash talking, new uniforms and the jaded hopes that franchise like the Pittsburgh Pirates and Tampa Bay Devil Rays will become more than cellar dwelling misfits in MLB uniforms.

But this is also the time of year when spoiled Bronx kids with billionaire daddies make front page quotes by saying “we’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

Let’s take a look at the order to the universe the Yanks new bloated hothead has spoken about. Last I checked the Yankees did not win their first World Series title until 1923. Now, up through their now world known win in 1918, the Sox won five World Series titles. Major League Baseball was introduced in 1903, that put the Sox winning five of the first 18 World Series championships. Now, I may not be the world’s best historian, but isn’t restoring order, putting things back to the way they once were? In that case, Yankee posers, order has been restored. When professional baseball started our heroes were winning almost one out of every three championships. So we decided to take almost a century off, we needed to give other teams like the Marlins a chance to win. But our own Sox have never once spoken about restoring universal order, we left that to our socialist cult friends in New York.

However, let’s look at this a tad bit deeper. Steinbrenner, according to his own quote obviously wants universal order. Look up “Universal Order” on Wikipedia, it’s quite fun. It figures that the head of the Yankees would want to restore something that has this logo, and was founded on the orders of Charles Manson.

Top five things that annoy me in sports this week:
5. Kobe Bryant
You are not the annointed one.
4. New York Yankees
Welcome back to the forum kids, you know you missed my rants.
3. Hockey
I have nothing to cheer for.
2. AAA baseball
I want my Braves, only thing I have close to sports in Richmond.
1. NBA Playoffs
I would rather watch Desperate Housewives.