So hey, how’s it going? It’s been what, a year? Wow, um you look great. Have you lost weight? I know, I know, a lot catch up on. But if you were busy spending the holidays, or the past year in the slammer for domestic abuse, odds are you missed it.
Toeing the line
The year got off to a bang with a Super Bowl for the ages. Complete with a 100-yard TAINT, game-winning touchdown catch and Bruce Springsteen’s crotch going right into a camera at halftime.
The Steelers got their sixth Super Bowl trophy and Kurt Warner once again got Most Valuable Old Guy Beard.
Can’t spell anabolic steroids without A-Rod
In February A-Rod got caught up in a huge web of lies when Rodriguez tried to dupe the whole country into believing he didn’t know what drugs he was putting into his body. In a sitdown interview with Peter Gammons, Rodriguez put his best shade of lipstick on and lied his @$$ off.
And of course, proving there is no God, the Yankees won the 2009 World Series.
The Lake Show with therapist the rapist Kobe Bryant
Shedding off years of futility, Kobe Bryant got the Los Angeles Lakers back on top of the NBA mountain for his fourth ring. Proving yet again that people will forget that you are a criminal, a rapist, drug user, or wife beater as long as you win a ring. Way to go media.
Morning Woods
In arguably the biggest sports story of the decade, Tiger Woods has been caught bringing his clubs, balls and drivers to at least 14 other courses than the one he is married to. A divorce is underway and Tiger is rumored to be in the Bahamas mourning and crying into his billions and billions of dollars.
They were on the block, now they’re back on the streets
Mercury Morris can flap his gums for one more year. The Saints and Colts were both vying for NFL history to become the first undefeated champion of the modern era until both teams decided to mail it in, killing Vegas betters everywhere.
SeriouslyLions
We told you it would happen.
Top five games you can bet on this week:
5. Philadelphia Eagles (+3) over Dallas Cowboys
Anyone remember what happened last year when these teams met on the last game of the season? Expect the Eagles to go nuts.
4. San Diego Chargers (-4) over Washington Redskins
The last two weeks the Skins have been outscored 59-9, you’re welcome.
3. Chicago Bears (pick ’em) over Detroit Lions
Jay Cutler isn’t the second coming of John Elway, but Matthew Stafford isn’t the second coming of Joey Harrington either.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (+1) over Cleveland Browns
Your consolation prize Jacksonville? Your team is going to move to Los Angeles!
1. Carolina Panthers (pick ‘em) over New Orleans Saints
You have broken my heart Mr. Brees.
Last Week: 2-3
The Season: 35-29-1
SeriouslyLions ‘09 (14-1)
Change you can believe in
Week 16: W 49-19 at San Francisco 49ers
Schools: 15-25 314 yards 7 TD INT, 1 rush 22 yards
McB: 14 rush 86 yards, 3 KR 88 yards, 3 PR 39 yards
Julie: 12 rec 294 yards 6 TD
Rick: 7 tckl
Chugs: 7-7 XP, 1 punt 45 yards
SeriouslyPowerRankings
5. Arizona Cardinals (10-5)
Good God is this really happening again? If Kurt Warner gets back in the Super Bowl, I’m taking 50-1 odds he throws for another TAINT.
4. New Orleans Saints (13-2)
Tamp Bay? Really? Question marks?
3. Philadelphia Eagles (11-4)
Yes, the Eagles are back again. And yes, that was Brian Dawkins humping the Philly ground in pre-game on Sunday
2. Indianapolis Colts (14-1)
One loss doesn’t define a season, but the way you lose can. Bad call pulling your players Jim Caldwell, you could see the disdain in Peyton Manning’s receding hairline.
1. San Diego Chargers (12-3)
Watch, now they’re going to lose in their first playoff game again.