Eat My Sports: Your 2009 Washington Redskins

Note: I know this looks like yours truly, Bryan McBournie, wrote this, but in fact it was written by Bryan Schools, who is currently chained up in Ben Roethlisberger’s love dungeon. Luckily Big Ben allowed Schools a cell phone to keep himself amused. Rather than calling for help, he wrote this via text message.

Ladies and gentlemen of the D.C. area, you had reason to doubt your Landover football team had reason for concern to begin the season, now you should be in full-blown panic mode! The Lions were bound to beat somebody at some time in their future, and that time came sooner rather later unfortunately for Jim Zorn and Jason Campbell.

The loss to Detroit is an early icing on the cake for a snowball that began in a Week 1 loss to the Giants, but gained an enormous amount of steam after an embarrasing win against the Rams. Notice, the Redskins are probably the only team in the league who can have the word “embarrasing” attached to a win.

The running game is non-existent, Campbell is Campbell, the defense is suspect and I’d wager that FedEx Field has the worst food in the league. None of this adds up to Washington putting a team that belongs on the same field as anybody, and that includes teams that are in MASSIVE re-building modes. Washington, even after playoff berths within the decade, must now be lumped in with every other team that you regard as terrible. They have been trying to get back to the glory days since 1992, which basically makes them the Pearl Jam of the NFL.

So what is a fan to do? Can’t help you there friends. My only suggestion is to latch on to the other Maryland team and say that because of geographic closeness, that you are allowed to pull for another area team. Because from the looks of it, you’re not going to have anything to cheer about for a loooong time.

Top five games you can bet on this week:
5. Green Bay Packers (+3.5) over Minnesota Vikings
Expect anything in this game, but the most anyone will take a victory by is a field goal. So take the points.
4. New Orleans Saints (-7) over New York Jets
The Jets defense has been very impressive through three weeks, though I seriously doubt they have ever seen anything like the Saints offense.
3. Buffalo Bills (-1) over Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins looked terrible even before their starting quarterback was lost for the year.
2. New York Giants (-9) over Kansas City Chiefs
Ask yourself a very simple question: would you ever bet anything on the Chiefs?
1. Detroit Lions (+10) over Chicago Bears
Something is telling me that even though it might be a loss for our favorite Motown Follies, it’s gonna be close after the confidence builder of finally winning a game.
Last week: 3-2
The season: 7-3

SeriouslyLions ’09
Change you can believe in
Will resume rext week.

5. Indianapolis Colts (3-0)
The Arizona Cardinals are who we thought they were! And we thought they were a team with a secondary that can get torched by HOF quarterbacks.
4. Minnesota Vikings (3-0)
Brett Favre finally earns a paycheck. We’d also like to thank Mike Singletary for keeping his pants on for the duration of the game.
3.New Orleans Saints (3-0)
Reggie Who? The Saints seem to firing on all cylinders, except for high draft choices.
2. New York Giants (3-0)
Thanks for finally showing up for the 2009 season, Brandon Jacobs!
1. New York Jets (3-0)
Whatever that “it” factor is, these guys have it. Three straight weeks of 2009 potential playoff teams, three straight wins. Rex Ryan apparently didn’t inherit his dad’s unique ability to choke every time you need to step up.