Everyone I know is a fat, diseased libertarian, just like me

We’ve got some bad news for you health nuts who hang out with morbidly obese/ diseased people to make yourself feel better (there are some out there, right?), it turns out you aren’t what you eat, you are who you hang out with.

That goes for your political views, your weight, and–wait for it–whether you have an STD. Best of all, you don’t even have to see these people very often, you just need to interact with them in some manner, like the Internet.

The Guys want to be your friend. We’re clean. We swear.