Ladies and gentlemen, it took 10 years and careful pronunciation of this year, but it is finally here: the future, today.
Radioactive Mutant Animals!
After drinking water at a demolished nuclear weapons lab, a killer radioactive mutant rabbit went bonkers in Washington state! And what do radioactive rabbits do? They poop. Everywhere.
Officials are still tracking down the bunny’s highly dangerous fallout.
Jetpacks!
No, seriously: jetpacks. Jetpacks with Buzz Lightyear wings.
It may be a Swiss jetpack, but it’s a goddamn jetpack.
Boner Recall!
We’re not sure if there’s a porno based on Total Recall that goes by this title, but there should be.
Otherwise, it’s just a recall of erection pills, and that’s just dystopian.