Gay US federal employees one step closer to human

SeriouslyGuys: Home of the first Liberace joke online since 1991.In a stunning move sure to upset people who believe the Bible is science, President Barack Obama announced a change in federal employee benefits that would move gays one step closer to being officially fully human.

President Obama is scheduled to interrupt more of your favorite TV shows to explain the new rules sometime today.

But with every step towards full equal rights for Homosexual-Americans, there’s always that “just a second, guys” moment. Just as Clinton allowed gays to serve in the military if they pretend to be straight, the new benefits program will not include family health insurance.

But, let’s not get all revolutionary. Gay partners of federal employees will still receive all the other important family benefits. Now they’re allowed to:

  • Participate in the Christmas party planning committee.
  • Be identifiably displayed in vacation photos in their partner’s cubicle, not ambiguously as a friend or distant cousin.
  • Compete in the three-legged race at picnics and barbeques.