German zoos are working against us

It may be just about time to invade Germany again. Well, the zoos, anyway.

Remember Knut, the cute polar bear cub German authorities let themselves be talked out of putting down? Now he’s a big-ass polar bear. How about Paul, the World Cup psychic octopus? Now he’s dead, so that’s good.

Now, the Germans are going crazy for a cross-eyed opossum named Heidi, of course. No one’s really sure why there’s such a following of the creature, but let’s face it, the Germans have proven they’ll follow anything with half a personality.

Worst of all, they have regular zoo animals at regulation levels of cuteness, that somehow defy the odds. A baby penguin at the Muenster zoo managed to make an escape, and waddled through the zoo. The baby penguin made its way into the lion enclosure. I know what you’re thinking, “Show time!” But sadly, the German lions were either too stupid or too lazy to eat the penguin, which was rescued and is, tragically, doing just fine with the other penguins.