False idols are everywhere. You can look for them high, you can look for them low, and no matter what, you’ll probably find them. Whether they’re Plaxico Burress, Elvis Presley, the Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranger, Kermit D. Frog or Stewie from Family Guy, if you’re following one, you’re probably a sheep that may or may not need to be culled. Still, hard feelings or resentment aside, we should all be able to agree on one thing–large anthropomorphic animals should never be made idols.
Unfortunately, there’s a chain of temples devoted to one such false idol. Double unfortunate is that these locations are often nothing more than a hotbed of violence. This false idol’s name? Chuck E. Cheese.
Mock me now, but it’s true. A string of wanton violence has begun appearing at Chuck E. Cheese’s all over the nation. Laugh all you want (Lord knows I did when I first saw the headline, thus knowing it must be our Headline of the Day), but you cannot deny the truth-scary things happen at a place where “a kid can be a kid.” For example, a six-year-old was approached by a woman in her thirties while he was playing a game. As he attempted to insert more tokens into the machine and continue playing, the woman confiscated his tokens and told him to let other people play. The boy naturally informed his mother, who was then screamed at by the token-thief before a thirty-something male grabbed the 26-year-old mother by the throat and slammed her into the video-game machine.
This is just why we cannot harbor such clear species traitorism. How can we live in peace when followers of a giant animal obviously cannot? Oh yeah, another good idea-probably not serving booze at a place for children. I’m just saying, is all.