If you’ve experienced erectile dysfunction lately, then you may be considering going vegetarian. Not because you’re less of a man, so you might as well give up bacon, but because E.D. could indicate the onset of heart disease, and vegetarians are a third less likely to die from it than proud animal devourers.
The Guys aren’t judging you. It’s perfectly natural for men over 40 to lose some of their vigor and to give anything, even steak, to keep their dicks going. Just remember: that doesn’t mean you have to stop killing animals. Who knows? Maybe a few dead ducks will help you get it up.
So, if you’re going vegetarian, please renew your pledge to fight for humanity in the War on Animals. Nobody says you have to eat what you kill. (We’re pretty sure that’s against the Geneva Convention, anyway.)