Groundhog? Don’t mind if we do

Al Roker sharted in his pants at the prospect of a meteorologist receiving the death penalty for erroneous weather forecasting.
Al Roker pooped his pants at the prospect of a meteorologist receiving the death penalty for erroneous weather forecasting.

After failing to see his shadow this February, Punxsutawney Phil may soon see his life flash before his eyes. Mike Gmoser, the prosecutor in southwestern Ohio’s Butler County, filed an indictment against the fake weather psychic, alleging that “Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early.”

And does Ohio take fraud seriously? You bet your hamster. The penalty for misrepresenting spring is a felony, punishable by death.

Really, it’s about time. When the rodent correctly predicted the end of winter, he should have been tried for witchcraft. And now that his power’s gone, he is at the mercy of the U.S.’s 10th worst state. See? This is why you don’t make deals with the devil.

One thought on “Groundhog? Don’t mind if we do”

  1. Pingback: The McBournie Minute: Recall Punxsutawney Phil and his chronies | SeriouslyGuys

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