How To: Get your band back together

We all know how the story goes. Back in the day, man, you would not believe how hard you rocked. You could pack the house in every town you went to–even the ones with only one or two bars. And the groupies? Wow. The bus rides, the comradery with your bandmates, the thrill of hearing fans sing your songs back to you and of course the drugs and alcohol.

But then, something happened. Egos got inflated, solo projects were discussed. Everyone wanted to take the band in a different direction, losing sight of what it really was. It all tore the band apart. We know the story, that’s why The Guys are here to present you with how to get your band back together.


  • Apologetic tone
  • Talent
  • Number of a good dealer

Contact the old chums.
In the years since the break up, you guys all went your own ways. Unfortunately that also means you lost contact with your former bandmates. You didn’t even contact them about making a cameo on your debut acoustic solo album. There have to be some hurt feelings there. As the saying goes, you can’t get a band back together unless you reach out.

Actually that is not a saying.

In any case, look up your former friends in the phone book. If you still remember their agents’ names, give them a quick ring to pass along the word. If all else fails, you could always do what Billy Corgan did when reforming The Smashing Pumpkins: put a huge ad announcing your intentions in the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Sun-Times. (Only one other original member agreed to return.)

Make amends.
So you’ve got the guys back in talks of reforming, but there is still a lot of bad blood between all of you. It is important to address the issues that lead to the problems and hope that time has helped put it in perspective. Sure, you got really wasted and took liberties with Johnny’s wife–for seven months. OK, maybe Stretch said some things about your musical style back in the day that he really did not mean. Make sure to tell Trent you know the disappearance of your pet gerbil was not his fault. It is time for healing.

If you think this seems impossible, remember: if Van Halen can do it, if The Eagles can do it, if The Police can do it, if New Kids on the Block can do it, there must be a lot of cash involved, so maybe just not talking to each other on the tour is a good plan.

Replace that arrogant tool of a drummer.
Really, I mean, he should be grateful you guys even let him join in the first place, much less called him about a reunion tour. It is hard to believe he still has not dropped his attitude after all these years. Someone needs to put him in his place.

This isn’t jazz, drummers do not really matter. Unless he’s Travis Barker, they all sound the same and they all play things the exact same way. No one even does drum solos anymore. Get someone else to replace him, someone who will do anything you say without question. He is so hidden on the back of the stage behind the drum kit that there is a pretty good chance the fans would not notice the difference, anyway.

Keep Johnny high as the International Space Station.
Let’s face it: the best song writers do their best work in some sort of altered state. Drugs have helped create some of the best music the world has ever known. Even Mozart was on snuff.

Conversely, sobriety has killed many careers. Groups just are not as exciting when they are sober. The new stuff just does not have that same appeal that the old stuff had in the heyday. Example: remember The Darkness? They had that great “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” song on their debut album, brought to you by Vitamin H. Now, do you remember the follow-up album they released after breaking up, cleaning up and reforming? Exactly. Had they kept riding Big Brown, The Darkness may too have had a triple crown by now.

If you are planning to release new material, you have to make sure Johnny is as messed up as ever, especially when he writes. If you are just going to play the old standards, by all means, stay off the smack, but DO NOT pick up the pen. Do it for the fans.