Planes. They are first when listen with trains and automobiles. While in theory the fastest form of transportation, a trip from Point A to Point B might take longer than in a plane than it would to, say, walk the distance instead. There will always be numerous reasons for why this happens, but all the knowledge of the airline industry in the world will not stop the problems from happening. No, one can only hope to surive. That’s why The Guys present how to survive a flight.
Tools:
- Medicine cabinet
- Lack of self respect
- Plastic wrap
- Flexible religious affiliation
1) Medicate heavily.
Ever wonder how they get pentagenarians to let a doctor stick a camera way up their hindquarters? The answer is first they fill the patients up with so many drugs they cannot tell you four out of five colors of the rainbow. When a patient is in this state, no matter how they are poked and prodded, they will be just fine with it. They will probably even have a smile on their face. It is kind of like those pills you dropped in girls’ drinks in college, you stud.
The difference here is self-medication. Keep it legal, whatever you take. You do not want to have the Transportation Security Administration busting you for something harder. Besides, we would never recommend that. However you can, make sure you are in a state where anything can happen to you, because it will.
2) Simplify your wardrobe.
This is a no-brainer for anyone that has flown in the past seven years. Airport security can and will do whatever they want with you while you are in their little area. This includes such personal space violations as making you take off your shoes. To solve this problem, go barefoot to the airport.
If you are pulled aside, you will likely be scanned with that beepy thing and patted down. This is because the TSA wants to make sure you are not smuggling illicit staplers onto the plane. To boost their confidence in this matter, it is recommended you wear as little as possible, as transparent as possible. The more they can see, the less left for them to imagine you are a terrorist.
3) Pray to the weather gods.
The airlines love to mess with you. It is like a live YouTube that they have enjoyed since man first took flight. It can be a sunny day out, no wind and no threat of change, but flights will always be delayed? Why? It’s fun you watch your reaction.
They will say the flight is delayed by a storm in Dallas, or the solar eclipse is making it too hard for the pilots to see, they might even say there are too many birds in the sky today. Your only hope is that the weather is good enough for the crews to feel like letting you travel to your destination, completing the contract you agreed to when you ordered the tickets.
4) Horde as many packets of peanuts as you can.
That’ll show those greedy bastards.