If you’re a lapsed Catholic who recently got dragged into Mass, you probably got thrown for a loop when you were the only one in the pew to say, “And also with you,” to your priest. Apparently, someone changed the response to “And with your spirit,” which makes no damn sense except as a gotcha. (John Mulaney knows what’s up … now.)
Well, The Guys have your backs, cultural Catholics — if only to spite those judgy church marms at your next funeral. So, heads up: the Pope is changing the Catholic Pledge of Allegiance, the Lord’s Prayer (a.k.a. the “Our Father”).
Instead of “Lead us not into temptation,” Pope Francis believes that “do not let us enter into temptation” is a better translation because apparently god does not present temptations. This is, we will remind everyone, the same god who gave us bacon, beer and motorcycle ramps.
Of course, the real hazard here isn’t just tricking Christmas-and-Easter Catholics. It’s the English language. The Pope speaks Spanish and got the new wording from France — romance countries where pretty much every sentence ends with similar sounds. (This is why Latin Music has its own Grammy’s — too easy to qualify.) So, while we’re certain the new words maintain a similar cadence in romance languages, in English, we just 11 pounds of holiness into an eight pound censer: 11 syllables into an eight syllable line.
But, if you end up tripping up communal prayer, at least take solace in knowing that some sinner is taking forever working through his penance after confession this week.