Like a sweater that you never asked for, life is a gift. And now it’ll be even longer before you can get rid of it due to normal wear and tear. The number of Americans living past 100 years old rose 40 percent since 2000. At the beginning of the Willennium, there were 50,281 centenarians; as of … Continue reading Inexorable march to death grows longer
Ayatollah Ali Khamenei reportedly clarified for Iranian students that, when he says “Death to America,” it’s nothing personal and we (Americans) should probably stop making it weird. Sure, it sounds like a (very optimistic) death threat, but he means it as a way to encourage “death to U.S. policies and arrogance,” not to individual Americans per se. He … Continue reading Ayatollah: ‘Death to America’ nothing personal, don’t make it weird
Scientists have found a 20-million-year-old flea preserved in amber. And just like the researchers in Jurassic Park, what the ancient insect holds will prove to be nothing but bad for humanity. According to a new study, the flea has ancient bacteria on its mouth and butt parts. Not just any bacteria, it’s an ancient strain … Continue reading Foolish scientists discover ancient Black Death bacteria
Take a look at yourself. You’re not getting any younger. From this point on, this is most likely the best you will look for the rest of your life, and it’s the same tomorrow and the day after, just with incrementally diminishing results. In short, with each and every passing day, fewer people want to … Continue reading ‘Til death do you f*ck
Look, maybe you think that we at SeriouslyGuys are slightly hyperbolic when it comes to our headlines, stories and attitudes, especially in regards to the war against animals. And perhaps our vocabulary palette is a lot stronger and more diverse than yours. But we will not apologize for our efforts to insure your safety! Especially … Continue reading Death spider self-harms in order to person-harm
Ask the average person on the street to name the city that saw its walls shake with the birth of punk music and odds are they won’t answer “Detroit.” Ask them to name the band who first mashed the raw and the melodic together to create punk music before the term even existed, and they … Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘A Band Called Death’
Sure, you love booze. (We’re just assuming that, based on the fact that you are visiting this site.) But do you love booze enough to be buried in it? A man in England commissioned a casket shaped and painted to look like a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, because apparently he’s something of a fan. Anto … Continue reading Man plans to love Jack Daniel’s even in death
The former mayor of Hollywood Park, Bill Bohlke, was found dead last year. Despite the death being ruled as accidental, his family is having none of it. We assume this is because the investigators decided that he was attacked by a mule, giving him an ignominious death by an ignominious animal. As such, the family … Continue reading Family doesn’t believe in death by ass
In war, one must respect all of their opponents. That said, not all spiders are created equal. Most can be respected in that, yes, they have large numbers, but unless they attack en masse, their ambush tactics mean nothing to us. However, there are others that we should keep a keen eye out for. Luckily, … Continue reading English supermarket hotbed of 8-legged death
The FAA announced that they’re no longer the reason why you’re not allowed to use electronics on aircraft during takeoffs and landings. But, while the FAA acknowledges that, no, your Kindle isn’t a terrorist, they’re leaving the final decision to the airlines. ‘It will take some time for each airline to certify their fleet is … Continue reading Death of the print industry from above
