Dead bears do Knut wear plaid

Knut, the German polar bear, is back from the dead! His taxidermied corpse is now blocking the entrance to the Berlin natural history museum, menacing all who dare learn about trilobites, ancient arrowheads or whatever Germans dig up in their backyards. (Traces of the camps where they eliminated all of the ancient Neanderthals?) We warned … Continue reading Dead bears do Knut wear plaid

Knuts for publicity

Animal warriors, the situation in the Berlin Zoo has become worse than we imagined. According to Markus Roebke, one of Knut’s handlers, the orphaned polar bear has turned from the priviledged-by-birth toast-of-the-town to “publicity-addicted psycho.”  The bear now becomes distressed when not receiving attention, whining and howling when it knows an audience is near.  Knut … Continue reading Knuts for publicity

Cuddly? We’re afraid Knut

This blog has covered the ongoing saga of Knut, the bear cub that was raised by Berlin zookeepers after his mother decided it would be better if he died. One year later, and his feeding habits have changed as evidenced by this new photo.  (We’re guessing this child’s mother reached the same conclusion about her … Continue reading Cuddly? We’re afraid Knut

Signs of the intellectual apocalypse appear in pairs

Friends of the site know that The Guys all met at Radford University, a school you’ve never heard of unless you went there, knew someone who stole a cop car during QuadFest or heard that Donald Trump would be speaking there today. That last development had a lot of alumni on edge … until we … Continue reading Signs of the intellectual apocalypse appear in pairs

Take it from Snee: Europe repeats its worst history

Normally, I would use this space to explain how you’re using the Internet wrong or convince you to watch more Star Trek. But, I’m ceding my weekly space to warn everyone I care about (you, the readers that I certainly don’t multiply by thousands whenever I brag about a post “going viral”) about a grave … Continue reading Take it from Snee: Europe repeats its worst history

German zoos are working against us

It may be just about time to invade Germany again. Well, the zoos, anyway. Remember Knut, the cute polar bear cub German authorities let themselves be talked out of putting down? Now he’s a big-ass polar bear. How about Paul, the World Cup psychic octopus? Now he’s dead, so that’s good. Now, the Germans are … Continue reading German zoos are working against us

Germans don’t care about black bears

So, the Germans’ (Germen’s?) obsession with polar bears has finally led to tragedy — well, funny tragedy because nobody died. A woman jumped into the Berlin Zoo’s polar bear exhibit for unknown reasons during the bear’s Friday afternoon feeding. (Was she part of the feeding? Zoo officials say no … but only because there were … Continue reading Germans don’t care about black bears

What is it with the Germans and animals?

While we’ve been focusing on the Knut the man-eating polar bear story lately, it’s important to note that there are other animals in Germany. These animals are just as dangerous, not only because they are animals, but because they are German. We all know how it goes when the Germans get riled up about stuff, … Continue reading What is it with the Germans and animals?