Look, we’ve warned you since 2006 of the building and always present animal threat. But, then we read stories like these and start to lose hope for our species.
Dogs routinely frame humans
Dogs have conditioned us to believe that they are our closest allies. They help us hunt other animals, eat our homework when we need a night off and even keep dying businesses like newspapers going by carrying them inside. This was all a ruse.
It was through these means that dogs pretended to find criminals by sense of smell, and we actually believed them! It turns out that, like Texans, they just like frying people and any human will do.
He bearly loves you
Do not bring bears into your home. If they approach your door, it is only to get revenge on Goldilocks, and we all look the same to them.