MasterChugs Theater: ‘Wing Commander’

Don't worry people, hell's only broken loose for approximately 90 minutes. There comes a time in every boy’s life where he makes a fateful decision: video games or computer games. While the majority tend to make the former their choice, a select few will choose the latter. Within that percentage, the majority of individuals will become privy to a series of games known as Wing Commander. A simple space flight simulator, the original game was a shining example of its time: slightly choppy full motion video heralded by a B-level actor or actress (in Wing Commander‘s case, Luke Skywalker and voice of the Joker himself, Mark Hamill) coupled with fairly revolutionary game-play. Given that the first game was created in 1990 and thus became a cult success, it only makes sense for a movie to be made based on the franchise nine years later, right? It’s OK though, because Freddie Prinze Jr. (fresh from his complimentary hit, She’s All That), relatively unheard of Saffron Burrows and Matthew Lilliard get to be attached to it, and thus Wing Commander was born. However, since this is MasterChugs March Movie Mort Month, there’s got to be something wrong with the movie, and boy oh boy, is there ever. Hit the cut to find out.

Wing Commander, the movie, is set just prior to the events that occur in the computer game series, starting off with 1st Lt. Christopher Blair arriving on board the TCS Tiger’s Claw at a critical time. It seems that Earth is about to undergo an attack by the dreaded alien species, the cat-like Kilrathi, and the Terran Confederation protecting the home planet needs time in order to beat them to Earth before it is destroyed. The Tiger’s Claw is assigned its most important mission ever: to slow down the progress of the Kilrathi fleet to give the humans a chance to get into prime position for the oncoming war for the fate of Earth.U-G-L-Y, that cat ain't got no alibi, it's ugly!

With less than 24 hours remaining before the Kilrathi are in striking distance of Earth, the leader of the main fleet, Admiral Tolwyn, sends out rookies Blair and and Lt. Todd “Maniac” Marshall and their mysterious commanding officer, Paladin. Apparently, Blair is “special” because he is descended from Pilgrims, a space-faring offshoot of the human race known for their innate sense for spatial navigation (think silly outer space racism meets deus ex machina).

When Blair and Marshall arrive on the Tiger Claw, they find their new home inhospitable. Commander Gerald is suspicious of the new arrivals. Even more troubling for Blair is that Gerald has a chip on his shoulders against Pilgrims, since Earth and the Pilgrims were locked in a bitter war on a few decades prior. Blair also fails to score any points when he mistakes his beautiful but emotionally aloof wing commander Jeannette “Angel” Deveraux for a mechanic. Of course, the tension isn’t eased by the fact that none of the established fighter pilots want to have anything to do with the new rookies. However, in order for the Earth to avoid a Kilrathi assault, the dysfunctional family of the TCS Tiger Claw must put their differences aside and work together for the greater good. The tension of whether that can actually be done should probably have you on the edge of your seat right now, I’d say.

At the time of its theatrical release, Wing Commander was one of but three films to feature the heavily hyped trailer for the massively anticipated Star Wars: Episode One: The Phantom Menace. Given the incredible production values of that film, as well as the major excitement for filmgoers at seeing the never-before-seen trailer right before Wing Commander, the film that followed it just didn’t stand a chance of measuring up to that fever pitch for lovers of science fiction that were in the audience, many of whom walked out before the film even started. With so many people heading for the exit throughout the film, as well as the constant dwelling on the fact that another Star Wars movie would be released shortly in the minds of those that remained, it’s no wonder that people in the audience had little patience for what small pleasures that Wing Commander may possibly have to offer. Unfortunately, those that stayed discovered that no such pleasures, no matter how minuscule they might be, could be granted.

Wing Commander had the structure and the delivery to make for a smooth ride to the big screen. It did. But the movie still wasn’t even tolerable in the slightest and director Chris Roberts (who was the head of all the Wing Commander games bar Prophecy), has inexplicably changed the plot greatly from the game. Many times you’re given the impression that the filmmakers thought they were making some sort of pirate and submarine movie rolled into one. In space! It wasn’t a good combo. The captain of the space ship will say things like “Hard to Starboard!” and other nautical terms. Did he understand that he was in space? Personally, I was waiting for something along the lines of “Mr. Christian, full steam ahead!” to be uttered.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 27th Century.Another annoying aspect of the movie is its characters, all of which seem to exist outside the realm of common sense. Take Saffron Burrows’ Devereaux, who is the carrier’s wing commander, but has as much intelligence as a rock. Burrows is surely one of the best looking actress in the business today, but the dialog that comes out of her mouth is just horrendous. That also goes for the character motivation in the film, which is to say these people act in such a way that belies flesh and blood human beings.

I think my biggest frustration with Wing Commander is the lack of background explanation as to what’s going on. We’re dropped right into the middle of the action without any real rooting interest, and have to try, perhaps in vain, to fill in the blanks ourselves as to who everyone is and why they are doing what they do. If the assumption is that audiences coming into the film would be intimately familiar with these characters because they played the computer game, it is dead wrong. The only character we have to identify with is Blair, although we only do so because he seems to be just as clueless about what’s going on as we are.

Good science fiction, or for that matter good storytelling, is about interesting characters in interesting situations doing interesting things. Wing Commander has none of these things going for it. The advertising claimed it to be a cross between Star Wars and Top Gun. Well, that is very true. It possesses the fantastic spaceflight combat of the former, and all the awful corny lines, the atrocious acting and unwitting situations of the latter. Much of the movie is dedicated to talking, plot exposition, and a silly notion where the fighter pilots refuse to acknowledge their dead comrades, treating their memory as if they never existed in the first place. This is supposed to keep the fighters’ heads “in the game” and not distracted, but it just seems rather stupid, not to mention inhumane. God knows it can’t keep the audience’s head into the movie. Kill it with fire.