MasterChugs Theater: ‘American Ninja 4’

Your eyes do not deceive you: we’re reviewing American Ninja 4: The Annihilation before American Ninja 3. See, there’s a logic for that-Our Lord Dudikoff never made an appearance in the third movie of the great American movie series. Luckily, he showed up to the franchise for THE GREATEST NINJA FILM EVER.

Don’t let my words fool you. This movie isn’t filed under the movie morts for no reason. It’s bad. Oh, it’s bad.

American Ninja 4 concerns Michael Dudikoff teaming up with African rebels to save a Navy Seals unit that was captured by an Arab and his ninja army after Dudikoff’s friend David Bradley (the other American Ninja) was sent in and was captured, so now Dudikoff takes up the mission to save his friend.

At first reluctant, Joe eventually heads into the fray and it’s not long before he’s giving the old school ninja ass-handings out. He enlists some local revolutionaries and together they storm the villains stronghold just as Sean and the others are about to be executed, Salem witch hunt-style. From there it’s a typical Ninja all-out-melee climax where ninjas and revolutionaries alike are flying and dying about. Sean has it out with Mulgrew and Joe has a showdown with yet another super ninja, though this is a super-silver-ninja with-an-eye-patch. . So how does Joe take them out? Nunchuks? Nope. Ninja sword? Uh uh, grenade. Excellent.

It starts out on a promising note (well, promising enough), but once Bradley enters the scene the film basically spins its wheels in clichés. Interestingly enough Dudikoff doesn’t show up until 40 minutes or so in, and while Dudikoff’s fight with the Mad Max-like rebels, as well as the ridiculous climax, the movie takes too long with Dudikoff sneaking in dark area, fighting ninjas that don’t put up a fight and then (finally) saving his friends.

American Ninja 4 also lacks a sense of humor and with Steve James nowhere to be found, the movie just stumbles from pointless plot angle to pointless plot angle with the absolute minimum of energy or enthusiasm from anyone involved.

Well, not intentionally, at least. Bradley gives us one of the greatest lines in the movie, nay, in all of cinema history:

“This isn’t a game, Gavin! Those were NINJA!”

More insightful words have never been spoken.

In keeping with the tradition of the franchise, all of these shenanigans feel like you’re watching a lost episode of The A-Team where ninja costumes were sold in bulk. One can tell nobody in this film enjoyed making it, especially Michael Dudikoff and James Booth who can barely keep their contempt for the project contained, and it’s this feeling of obligation and desperation that consigns American Ninja 4 to the trashcan.

These are the things that I do for you people.

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