Even a man who is pure at heart
And says his prayers by night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright…
…or you can take the unique approach of not having that man (or teenage kid in this case) become an actual wolf, only gain its supernatural powers. This is just one of the many strange and disappointing ways Cursed handles werewolves in its approach to the genre.
For all intents and purposes, Cursed is a camp film straight out of the late 1970s. It captures the unique look and sense of a movie from that era, from its cinematography, to the feel of its script, even down to the patter of how dialog is delivered.
That’s where the compliments end.
The film starts with siblings Elle and Jimmy driving one night on Mulholland Drive when some sort of beast jumps on their car, causing them to smash another driver off the road. While coming to the woman’s assistance, she is attacked and viciously killed by the beast, while Elle and Jimmy also are scratched in the process. Shortly after, they both begin to exhibit some strange new behavior, including a thirst for blood, heightened senses and strength, and a pentagram shape appearing on one of their palms-all signs that they are becoming werewolves. It is said to remove their affliction, they need to kill the main werewolf responsible for the blight, which proves to be close to home for the two once they find out who it is.
Instead the sibs get all panicky, while Wes Craven cuts to some scenes of the werewolf eating more lower torsos. We finally see him, and while I’m happy they didn’t do the creature entirely in CGI, it looks a little bit 1989. I should probably forgive that, even the worst werewolf suit is a heck of a lot better than a CGI werewolf, so hats off to Wes for giving us that. Those darned kids start snooping around to find out who bit them, and a bunch of red herrings are thrown out to misdirect you. None of them work, but the effort is made anyway.
It sounded great from the outset: Craven would reunite with his Scream-writer Kevin Williamson, and the pair would head off to make a modern-day Werewolf Movie, while Dimension Films would happily foot the bill. Horror fans were psyched, the filmmakers seemed happy, and the studio would undoubtedly have some sort of half-decent hit on their hands.
So what the hell happened?
Since movie studios generally don’t put out press releases regarding inevitable fiascoes, we’re only able to piece together the unpleasant history of Cursed through a few leaky pieces of generally-accepted tidbits:
1. The script was never fully finished when production started.
2. The shooting set was not exactly a pleasant one.
3. The studio execs did not like the end product.
4. Extensive re-shoots were scheduled.
5. Several actors found their characters scattered across the editing room floor. Many were excised completely.
6. New actors were brought in to play new (and old) characters.
7. More stuff was shot, most of which was glued together with material from shoot #1.
8. Once the ‘rejiggered’ version was complete, test screenings yielded largely unpleasant results.
9. In a last-ditch effort to make this thing even remotely profitable, the execs opted to snip the gory bits, trim down the intensity, and package this malformed mass into a PG-13 kiddie affair.
10. Cursed is quietly thumped into theaters during Oscar weekend while the studio crosses its fingers and hopes for Boogeyman-type numbers.
I’m not a very good person when it comes to math (I really would just relish the opportunity to punch it in its kidney, and I’m a pacifist), but even I can tell you that those don’t add up to a good movie. Or even a moderately bad one.
As a horror movie, Cursed is a pretty big failure. I didn’t feel the slightest twinge of suspenseful apprehension. There’s nothing scary about this, and when it tries to be scary it’s really just silly. It’s more of a superhero film than a werewolf film, complete with a super-powered canine sidekick. What happens when a dog gets bitten by a werewolf? Well, he can’t get more canine, but he can get really really angry. It’s times like these when I really miss Blade Trinity’s vampire Pomeranian.
I can’t believe I actually said that.
Craven isn’t much of a slasher/horror master anymore, though I guess slapping his name on movies still gets people’s mojo going. It’s akin to the National Lampoon logo. Personally, I gave up on him sometime. If you’re like me, Cursed won’t do a thing to change your opinion. You want a good werewolf movie? Go for Dog Soldiers instead.