MasterChugs Theater: It Came From Beneath the Water

This week, we’re gonna do some quick hits. Sometimes, you just want to ease back and not think a lot. Sometimes, you just want to turn off your mind and watch a movie.

Do not go to the lower rated titles in the horror section of Netflix Watch Instant. There is some sheer and utter dreck. My friends and I get together almost every month for our Bad Movie Night. None of those movies make the cut.

However, you can still find some bad movies that are enjoyable enough. They’re probably more of the disc only type. And since it’s summer, maybe you should go with a theme, like, movies that make you scared of the water.

Or at least movies that make you look forward to avoiding creeks and water parks.

Sharktopus
As you can probably deduce from the title, Sharktopus is about a half-shark, half-octopus hybrid causing problems during Spring Break in Mexico. Sharktopus is absolutely not a good film. The acting is slightly above amateur-level, the plot is pretty formulaic and predictable and the CG is the absolute worst I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the Sharktopus looks like the tentacle from The Mist‘s ugly cousin. But you know what? It all works. Despite it’s flaws, or perhaps because of them, Sharktopus is an insanely entertaining film. This is a superficial, shallow, vapid film. It’s also damn fun to watch. It might be horribly acted, have the worst CGI I’ve ever seen and makes no attempt to make any deeper statement, but it also has a goddamn half-shark, half-octopus running around during a fire dance eating hula dancers and making Chewbacca sounds.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
A Megalodon shark and a giant octopus were frozen in mid-combat back during the Ice Age. Their Alaskan glacier melts; the two creatures revive; both immediately set about cutting a swath of destruction. The octopus dismembers a Japanese oil rig. The Megalodon goes into flying fish mode, leaping from the water to bite a 747 out of the sky. The octopus swats planes with its tentacles. The shark chomps the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s glorious, I tell you. Absolutely glorious!

Before it’s all over we’ll even get to enjoy some amusing continuity errors. A woman’s hand with black fingernails is shown pushing buttons on a control panel even though we can easily see as she pilots the sub that Debbie Gibson’s (yes, that Debbie Gibson stars in this movie) nails are not polished. A pilot radios a mayday about being knocked out of the sky before he’s shown getting swatted out of the sky. Again, all part of the charm.

For all the faults you could level against a movie like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and there are many, that inescapable enthusiasm cannot be denied. Eighty-six fast-paced minutes of bad b-monster movie bonanza with a campy glee that will bring a smile to the face of many. I’ll be the first to admit this movie won’t play well with everyone. But then why would those people even be watching a movie called Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus in the first place?

Frankenfish
You know when you see a movie titled Frankenfish, you’re in for a real treat. Of course, I wasn’t sure if this was going to be one of those happy little treats I would feel good about later or one of those treats Bryan McBournie shops for in the seedy districts of DC. Luckily for me, it’s one of those happy little feel good treats.

That being said, when Frankenfish is wreaking havoc, it’s incredibly enjoyable. The title creature is surprisingly large, and throws its weight around quite effectively. At first, the creature is not seen, as we only witness people being pulled underwater, followed by the appropriate after-effects: bloody water and ripped apart corpses. The director wisely chooses to gradually reveal the villain, first showing only a fin above water, then later, the entire body of what turns out to be a pretty cool looking fish. At this point the fish is visible in nearly every scene, causing all manner of havoc, biting heads off, flipping boats, and all manner of the like. It really is a great time.

It’s just something that any B-horror fan or monster movie fan should see. The special effects are quite good, and the movie is a lot of fun, despite its super-formulaic script. I won’t waste much more time writing about a run of the mill monster movie. Suffice to say, it’s thoroughly enjoyable.