Though they may have tried to invade our nation’s capital, our enemy the polar bear is getting very desperate. They are so desperate that they are turning to cannibalism in order to stay alive. This is good news for us, because it means our foes are smiting each other for us, which saves us a lot of valuable resources.
Why are the polar bears eating each other? Hippie scientists say it is being caused by the lack of ice in the Arctic. Apparently these bears are too ignorant to understand that there is nothing to eat in an area covered by snow and surrounded by water. Stubbornly, they refuse to move south, but that just means we have less to deal with.
A side note should go out to a man in California, who took the battle to the enemy this week when he put dead cats and dogs in the lockers of animal sympathizers at a local high school. That oughta shut ’em up!