Never bring a tire iron to a sword fight

If you see a pirate walking down the street today in uniform, stop and thank him.

A man in Florida learned it’s a bad idea to try stealing plunder from a pirate bar. According to police reports, a 29-year-old man broke into Captain Steamer’s Oyster Bar (motto: “Party like a pirate”) and received quite a shock when a security guard confronted him with, what else, a sword.

Though he was armed with a tire iron, the would-be burglar eventually dropped his weapon while the security guard, Anthony Brisbane, 49, called police. A scuffle then broke out, but the pirate/security guard won, thanks to an assist from a Bud Light bottle, which Brisbane smacked on the intruder’s head.