No bus seat for bear, injures 9 people

Japan may not get The Colbert Report on their tv stations, but even they should know that bears are ruthless killing machines. And despite your best intentions to keep the passengers of your bus safe,  a bus driver endangered the lives of all those in the parking lot when he denied him a seat. Bears do not take kindly to speciesism. They can smell it. That and menstrual blood.

The smartest thing to do would have been to have everyone exit the bus, lock the bear inside the bus and then blow it up. But no, you didn’t do that, and it got worse. The bear then proceeded to take out its rage on a nearby gift shop, where it got itself stuck amongst the nick-nacks sold to gaijin every day. In a fit of rage at the nation that had abandoned it, the bear found itself stuck in the store, and decided to trash it.

Bad move, bear.

A hunter shot the bear dead, protecting the citizens of Japan. He ran off before people could thank him for protecting them, but it was noticed that he seemed to be a foreigner and was wearing a Brooks Brothers suit. We’ve told you before that we’re in a war with animals, Japan, and it seems now was the biggest sign of evidence. What’s it gonna be? Will you continue to be Belgium, or has this become your Pearl Nyukawa?