Nobody panic: Mutant spiders may exist

Spiders have been finding ways to get into the things that we depend on to work at all times. Just last year, they were invading the gas tanks of our cars, before that, they were attacking a space shuttle on the launch pad.

Now, they’ve gotten worse.

We don’t want to send anyone into a panic, but there may be radioactive spiders in South Carolina. Something that looks like cobwebs was found at the Savannah River National Laboratory in a pool were used nuclear fuel rods are kept. Naturally, the so-called federal government is being all hush-hush about this, when they should be letting the public know that there’s a good chance mutant spiders are going to kill us all.