Own a piece of the Gipper

In 1981, President Ronald Reagan survived an assassination attempt. However, he was still shot and had to recover in a Washington, D.C. hospital. A blood sample was taken during his stay, and then, like the Holy GOP Grail, the vial vanished. Over time, the vial of Reagan’s blood faded to the status of a mere myth or Fox News fantasy. But today, the Republicans’ prayers have been answered (of course, they’re the only party that believes in God).

Reagan’s blood is real and up for auction right now. For only a few thousand British pounds, you can own a piece of the Gipper himself. This is terrible news for Republican hopeful Mitt Romney, because now that we have Reagan’s DNA, we all know he’s going to be cloned to serve again.