Packing on the rounds

“And I’m sleepy because of tryptophan, not because I’m drunk. Assh%le.”

As we gear up for extended visits with family, part of those preparations is to stock the fridge or cooler with the sweet, cool nectar of the gods: booze. Of course, alcohol certainly didn’t stop history’s most dysfunctional family, the gods of ancient Greece and Rome, from fighting over turkey legs. And it definitely won’t help you keep off those excess holiday pounds, no matter how much you throw up later.

A recent study shows that the average American consumes about 100 calories of alcohol daily. 20 percent of men and 16 percent of women, however, drink more than 300 calories’ worth a day, proving they’re — in every sense — not lightweights.

So, if you’re trying to cut soda out of your diet with booze this week, you’ll need to cut back on stuffing, too, because a 12-ounce can of Coke has nearly the same amount of calories as the equivalent beer or a 5-ounce glass of wine. Or, you could drink so much that you don’t want to eat at all.