Coming soon to a graveyard near you

Apparently 14 to 16 year-old girls will do anything for sex, from boarding planes bound for Palestine to meeting vampire impersonators in cemetaries.

This blog blames the parents of these children, for not explaining that it is far easier to be sexually irresponsible at home or school, and hometown perverts, for not reaching out to their own communities more.

When you gotta go …

It takes a lot of talent to poop into a baggie while steering a big rig.

Key quote: “Nile Easton: ‘Right now we’ve been finding a lot of ziploc bags full of urine, feces, drug paraphernalia, used needles, blood.'”

This raises one more question: no semen?

Sensationlism? Us?

Undaunted by her frequent contact with Kevin James, the Cruises allowed Leah Remini to fondle their new–well, newer–baby.

That’s a total of three people claiming Suri Cruise does, in fact, exist.

This has been an entry for Suri Watch ’06: a service provided by your news studs, SeriouslyGuys. We’d also like to thank our new ace reporter, Will Smith, for his unnerving photos from the field.

We’re Not Bitter (We Promise)

Although this blog is pleased that the Washington Post wrote this article about our genre, it’s incredibly incomplete. We read through the whole thing and did not find one single quote from the Guys (Seriously). After a quick poll, we realized none of us were even called for comment.

In 4000 years of written current events, SeriouslyGuys has always been there: from the early days of clogs (cunneiform logs) to today’s blogs. As evidence, we present a special edition of From the SeriouslyGuys Vault.

Monday, the Twentieth Day of July in the One Thousand, Three Hundrede and Fourth Yeare of Our Lourde

Welcome back, Longshanks!

Glad that William Wallace unpleasantnes is behind Us now that you have recaptured Stirling Castle, aye? Unlike some competing Scotish Tapestrie Logues, or Stlogues, we welcome our English Lourdes back and cannot wait for the Resumpshun of Prima Nocta, gruefome masse Executions, and soldieurs eating all of our Food.

Friday, July 20, 1956

Real rats, fake sinking ship

While the rest of the nation practices “duck and cover” in the event of a Red attack, Washington bureaucrats practice massive evacuations into upscale bomb shelters. Leave it to the fat cats to spend hard-earned tax dollars on luxuries when a simple wooden desk would suffice.