America is dead to me

This is not a link to some other news item: this is a SeriouslyGuys exclusive news bulletin. I would suggest that you swallow any liquids in your mouth that could damage your monitor before reading further.

Is that coffee sip in Digestion Land now? Good.

Not one (1) channel broadcasted “1776” yesterday for our Independence Day. Perhaps it’s only in Alabama where they can’t handle all the “slavery-is-a-moral-disgrace-despite-its-economic-necessity-in-the-South” parts. I’d like to think it was aired somewhere, but I have DirectTV, so fat chance.

So if American television networks–networks that call themselves “National” and “American” like ABC and NBC–cannot salve my annual musical fix, then I submit that they must change their names, and the terrorists may or may not have won.

Got protests?

I’m sure this demonstration attracted an even larger herd of gawking perverts than usual.

Besides breastfeeding intolerance, they also demonstrated that native English speakers still abuse the term “irony:”

“‘How ironic…. They’ve made millions by perpetuating the stereotype of breasts as solely sexual objects. But when a woman wants to use them for what nature really intended them for – nursing – they kick her out.'”