No commies, no space race

The big question on NASA’s giant collective mind right now: Mars or Saturn?

And for the more sophomoric out there, no, Uranus is not “an ideal spot ripe for exploration.”

Until NASA makes its choice, expect further tax dollars funneled into robots that do not work, only sent to two locations instead of one. By the way, isn’t there a space station and telescope these guys don’t play with anymore?

What is it with new species this week?

In keeping with the recent trends of this blog to cover artifacts and new species, have you ever heard of a rat-squirrel? Didn’t think so. Most non-paleontologists haven’t, since science was said it had gone extinct millions of years ago. That is until they found one this week.

In a modern-day coelacanth story (that story is so last century!), scientists found a live species of a family long thought to be extinct for 11 million years. It was found this week in Laos. Scientists say they are pleased to find an ancient species to study, and add that it is best served with a side of kimchi.

In other news, cancel your weekend plans.

Who says American kids can’t learn?

They’ve already figured out how to shirk responsibility like their parents.

Native-born American students have once again been trounced by their immigrant counterparts in the classroom. The foreign students say grades are accomplished by “studying harder.” The Americans say “better teaching.”

Probably the worst part of this survey is the “no duh” factor. I’m a student still. Of course I’m lazy and will gladly blame anyone else.

After all, isn’t that the American way?

Caveat lobster

It would appear that France has discovered something furry other than the legs of their native female inhabitants.

A new species of crustacean has appeared off of the coast of Easter Island. So unique is this creature that it has genus. That’s fairly big for all of you non-biologist type people. Seriously people, the comparison between furry limbed crustaceans and French women with crabs writes itself.

Wonder how it tastes?

And you thought old people sucked hard

Stories like these truly reek hard of bottom of the barrel, low grade zombie movies. I should know-I’m a big fan of them. Unfortunately, I don’t even see it being green-lit by Lion’s Gate Films, or even Artisan Pictures before the buy out. I mean, this screams of a whole new form of social commentary that George Romero couldn’t even think of…….thankfully.

Ambien of the Dead”, anyone?

Choosey coroners choose Jiff money

Until November, only soccer moms shied away from peanut butter since it might kill kids with allergies. Then 15-year-old Christina Desforges’s boyfriend killed her with peanut butter breath, and most likely, over-the-shirt groping. And what geographical location ruined peanut butter for everyone eyeing first base? Quebec, of course.

It’s only fair they screwed up peanut butter; after all, they restored baseball to non-French status by selling the Expos to DC.

Now local coroner, Michael Miron, says peanut butter was not the culprit. However, he will not disclose the new details of Desforges’s death. Perhaps she choked on something else?

The 9,000 year-old question

Ten years ago, the bones of an ancient hunter were found in Washington state by local Umatilla Indians. The bones turned out to be over 9,000 years old. But the question was: was this guy a honky?

It’s been a subject of controversy for the past decade. If he was white, it would turn science’s idea of early Americans on its head. Turns out, no, he wasn’t. He was either Polynesian or from an ethnic group only found now in Japan.

More so, it seems that the guy took quite a beating. His bones displayed several indentations in his skull, a broken and healed rib and arthritis in his right elbow and some vertebrae. Also, he was a smoker. OK, I made that last part up.

This means, when did the first white people come to America? Was it Christopher Columbus, was it Leif Erikson? And that question remains to be answered. But one thing is for certain, they were football fans.